Monday, November 27, 2006

A Long, Hooterific Weekend

Crimeny, what a long weekend it's been. It's one of those weekends where everything feels like it's starting to blend together, so I'm going to try and make heads or tails of it. So hang on, because sorting it all out might be a bumpy ride.

The whole thing started Saturday night. My Anderson County crew called about me and Moses joining them in getting something to eat, then seeing Happy Feet. But since the movie would have started at 9:30 and we wouldn't have left Pizza Hut until it was well underway, we decided to just go over to Movie Gallery and rent something instead. Moses and I let the girls pick out the movies, and we ended up with Robert Englund's Heartstopper, and some random direct-to-video zombie movie titled Bone Sickness. And to be brutally honest, they could have done better.

We fired up Bone Sickness first, unfortunately. It's just bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. We didn't even bother watch it to the end. And the sad part is, even when you think it's over, it keeps going. Bone Sickness may have gone straight to video, but it should have gone straight to a landfill. I'd punch the movie in the face if I could. My list of complaints barely scratches the surface of what's wrong with this movie. The movie looks like it was filmed with a camcorder, the script was simultaneously nonsensical and illogical, the cast made second-rate sixth grade drama class productions look good, and the effects weren't all that believable. There were one or two cool moments, but for the most part, the gore looked like it was watered-down tomato juice. The movie apparently only cost 3,000 bucks to make, but they must have spent that on a cheap camera and some editing equipment, because it didn't go into the effects or production value. The only kind of entertainment that could be derived from Bone Sickness is if you do MST3K-style jokes during the movie, and it's only worth seeing if you like watching bad homemade movies. I don't want to say that I could do any better, but I don't think I could do any worse.

We didn't get around to watching Heartstopper, unfortunately. It couldn't have been as bad as Bone Sickness. Maybe I'll put it on Netflix sometime.

Anyway, Tiffany left at midnight, and me, Moses, and Jennifer hung out for a while before we got to talking about plans we'd made for Sunday evening. I forget how one thing led to another, but Jennifer invited us to go to church with her. I didn't have any problems with it and Jason didn't either, so he called in sick to work so he could be free to go. Since it was around 2:30 in the morning by the time we decided this, and we'd only get four or five hours of sleep after driving back and forth between Lawrenceburg and home, Jennifer just let us crash at her place for the night.

So we got a few hours of sleep before heading off to church. I hadn't been in years, but it was an experience that I honestly enjoyed. I can't complain. We caught a bit of lunch at McDonald's afterwards, dropped Jennifer off at work, then Moses and I decided to go hang out at her place for a few hours. There wasn't a whole lot to do in an empty house at 2:30 on a Sunday afternoon, but we managed to entertain ourselves with some video games and a little television.

We picked Jennifer up at 6:30, then headed up to Lexington for a wee bit of an adventure. WWE was running their annual "Survivor Series" pay-per-view event last night, so we decided to go see it for free at the Hooters in Lexington. The place was packed when we got there, and we were told that we'd be waiting for at least an hour before we were seated. But we only had to wait for a few minutes thanks to Jennifer's father. He's apparently to Hooters what George Wendt was to Cheers, so all she had to do is say that she was his daughter and that we were with him. They took us right to his table and seated us. I'm going to have to remember that next time.

This was the first time I'd been to this particular establishment, and it's definitely what they say it is. Not that I have a problem with that. And I know it's part of their usual color scheme, but I'm surprised at just how orange the place is. I thought I'd seen a lot of the color orange in my life, but I was quite mistaken. It's borderline excessive. The whole thing just poses the question, "How much more orange could Hooters get?" And the answer is none. None more orange.

But I'd be lying if I said I didn't have an absolute blast. The show was great, the food was great, and the atmosphere was great. Every patron in the place was into the show, but what was especially neat was how the waitresses got into it show too. I saw two waitresses wearing homemade title belts, a few behind the bar shouted "we're ready!" in response to DX's pre-match "are you ready?" spiel, and they did something especially cool during The Undertaker's entrance. I'm sure the wrestling fans who read this are familiar with how the lights go dark as he enters the arena, then turn back on as he stands on the ring steps. Someone at the restaurant thought it would be funny to play along, turning nearly all the lights in the place off and on in time with the entrance. It was a fun little Rocky Horror type of thing that I thought was a really cool idea.

We got out of there after the show ended, and I would definitely do this again if given the opportunity. I had way too much fun. I wouldn't mind going back next week for the ECW pay-per-view, but I think this will be more of a "once in a while" thing as opposed to something we do on a regular basis. But like I said, if the chance ever came up, I'd take it.

Like I said, we left after the show, then dropped Jennifer off at her house before heading back to good ol' Willisburg. It took us twice as long as usual to get home, thanks to a nasty wreck that closed up part of the BG Parkway. We sat there for an hour before we got moving. And after my 29-hour adventure, I think I'm going to take it easy and relax this week. Do you blame me?

Friday, November 24, 2006

Thus Endeth The First Act

Yeah, like I'm going out on Black Friday and getting trampled. I might be crazy, but I'm not a moron. I plan on spending today eating turkey and maybe playing a little Resident Evil 4.

Speaking of, I did make a wee bit of progress in the game late last night. We last left off at the barn of Bitores Mendez, the "Rasputin" of whom I've spoken in the past. He kicked the snot out of me the last time we faced off, but I wouldn't be denied a victory the next time. I wasn't going to quit until Rasputin was brought down.

He smacked me around pretty good twice, but the third time was the charm. I took him out after a brutal war that left me with no health left at all. No joke, I couldn't see any health left at all on the little meter in the corner of the screen. So of course, I stopped by Trader Joe's and purchased a first aid spray before I saved the game. Like I'm not gonna do that.

With one more boss battle under my belt, I forged ahead, because I was close to wrapping up part of the game. My handy dandy rifle took out the crazy trucker, then headed straight for the castle to finish the game's first act. I swung by Trader Joe's once I got inside the castle, and traded in my bolt-action rifle and shotgun for the semi-automatic rifle and the riot gun. A little tougher firepower never hurt anybody. Well, maybe some people. But not me.

The catapults in the next area were a pain, but I managed to get past them and break down the castle door with that giant cannon. But then in the sword exchange room, I got surrounded and poor Ashley got snatched away. So I figured I would live to fight another day and left the game. Next time, I'll be starting back at Trader Joe's shop, ready to get around the catapults again.

That might not sound like an extraordinary amount of progress, but I believe that a little is better than none. Besides, making it to the second act of the game is not too shabby. But the first act was just the tip of the iceberg, because neither the castle or the island war zone will show me any mercy.

And to that, I say bring it on.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Pushing Forward

While I'm here, I might as well talk about some Resident Evil 4. I couldn't put it down for long, so I played a little further after my post last night. When I last left off, I had just arrived in the village for the third and final time. And with the exception of all those pesky bear traps, the village was a piece of cake. Goodbye, village; you shall be missed.

After the village was the farm. I had Ashley hide, then I sought out to take out all the freaks. The really crappy thing is that not only are the freaks harder to kill in Professional mode, they're even tougher when those tentacle monsters pop out of their necks. If flash grenades were a little more plentiful, I could get by a little easier. I guess this isn't the hard mode for nothing.

From the farm, Ashley and I headed to the cabin that Libby has compared to the house from Night of the Living Dead. This portion of the game is tough under the Normal setting, but it's insane in Professional mode. It's like they decided to send every single villager freak in the game after me. But after three tries, I got out of the cabin. At this point, it was time for a big choice. Do I go left and fight an army of freaks and the chainsaw twins? Or do I go right and pray I don't get squished by El Gigante #2? Hmm... decisions, decisions. Let's try the right path.

Now I could stand my ground and fight El Gigante, but I've got two things stopping me. One, I'm dreadfully short on heavy ammunition. Two, I'm not completely stupid. I'd knock him down a peg or two if I had the Chicago Typewriter or the Handcannon, but since all I have is a handgun and a rifle with limited ammo, I decided to employ the same game plan I used with the helldogs outside of the church. I ran as fast as Leon's legs could carry me. I got slowed down at the second locked door, and that gave the big guy enough time to pick up Ashley and squeeze the life out of her. The second time, though, I managed to completely avoid El Gigante and got through with nary a scratch.

From there was the ski lift, which was almost too easy. I saved at Trader Joe's post just past there, then headed for Rasputin's barn. And he kicked the everloving crap out of me. The guy even grabbed me by the head, threw me in the air, and bounced me off the rafters, for sobbin' out loud! I'm a man who realizes when I'm out of my league, so I decided to pack it in and call it a night.

Overall, I'm satisfied with my progress thus far. I've let myself grow used to high-powered guns with infinite ammo, so this presents a major challenge. It's hard as a rock, but I'll make it. Ain't no game gonna hold me down.

Happy Thanksgiving

I hope everybody's having a great Thanksgiving. Mine's been good, thanks for asking. We didn't do a lot to celebrate the holiday since the whole family couldn't get together for one reason or another, so we're gonna do the whole turkey dinner thing tomorrow. I kinda wish we could have done it today like normal people, but it's unfortunately not up to me. I did, however, get a good meal at Cracker Barrel in Danville with my folks this afternoon. So I can't really complain about today. It's too bad I'm not a football fan, otherwise the day would have been complete.

Instead of football, I did watch the coverage of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on NBC this morning, and it left me confused. If you haven't seen NBC's coverage before, let me set this up. Every so often, the parade will stop in front of the Macy's store in Herald Square so some musician that's either a nobody or someone who's brightest days were in the past can badly lip-sync the first verse of a song. And it's so painfully obvious that they're lip-syncing too. What gets me is that NBC supplies everybody with microphones and the occasional guitar. And why? Who do they think they're fooling? Does anybody believe they're singing live? Am I complaining to nobody in particular? I am? Okay, then.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Acting Professional, Like Mr. Pink

I decided to go ahead and give Resident Evil 4's Professional setting a go last night, and I'm blown away by how tough it is. So let's recap what's happened during my latest tour of duty.

I made it through the first area and the village, and got through it better than I expected since never once did Chainsaw Charlie show up. I tried playing it safe, but due to the freakish masses, I ended up with health levels in the orange. That came back to get me in the farm area that was next, since I died twice via hatchets to the noggin. But I made it through, only to get squashed by Indiana Jones's giant rolling boulder.

Second time around, I made it past the giant bowling alley and found the tied-up Luis to end Chapter 1-1. I got wiped out a few times in Bridgetown and the warehouse that followed, but I got past and made it to the chief's house. I ran into Chainsaw Charlie and some of his buddies in the chief's backyard, but one or two grenades got me around them and back into the village. Ran through there and through the passage to the church graveyard, then barely made it through the swamp before getting to the lake. Rather than take on Nessie, I hit the conveniently-placed typewriter and called it a day.

I picked the game back up this afternoon, ready to conquer the world. I left off in a rough patch, as I immediately had to fight Nessie if I wanted to progress in the game. But I had nothing to worry about, since I managed to kill Nessie in one attempt. Go me. But it wasn't a flawless victory, since Nessie managed to knock my health down to yellow. I headed along anyway, through the reservoir with ease. After that was a tough, tough battle: Leon S. Kennedy vs. El Gigante #1 in a no-holds-barred throwdown. And trust me, dear readers, it was a war of attrition. Both of us took some hard shots, with me getting knocked down and out more than once. But I'm resilient, so I came back and I dropped El Gigante like a bad habit.

My health had taken quite a knock, but without any aids, I was stuck that way. I had to forge ahead anyway. I'm a trooper, I figured I could make it. Three helldogs were waiting for me in front of the church, and while I always managed to take out the first one with my rifle, the other two always ripped my poor little throat out. After one particular incident that led to my grisly demise at the hands of these friendly canines, I went and did something really stupid. I accidentally hit "no" without thinking at the "Will You Continue?" screen. And dummy me hadn't saved the game after killing El Gigante. Way to go, Matt, you fool.

My last save point was just before the fight with El Gigante, so I had to go back and fight him again. He smacked me around a few times, but I managed to knock him out after another hardfought brawl. It was back to the helldogs, and after I took out the first one, I formulated a plan. Instead of standing my ground and fighting them, I decided to avoid them at all costs. I bolted for the church door, and the plan succeded. Makes me wish I'd come up with that plan to begin with.

So I'm in the church, I figure out the light puzzle pretty quick, I free Ashley, and we make a daring escape through the church window. Got through the freaks in the cemetary without a scratch, then headed straight to the village. I was satisfied with my progress, so I hit the typewriter near Trader Joe's post, then called it an evening.

This is so much harder than what I'd been used to. It seems like the only ammo I'm finding enough of is the weak handgun bullets, which only does me favors if I want to shoot a freak in the kneecaps before I dropkick him in the head. It seems like the different freaks and monsters do a lot more damage too. The Professional setting isn't the hard mode for nothing. I have no doubts that I can beat the game, but it's going to be a long, long road to victory. And trust me, victory will be mine.

Oh yes, it will be mine.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Jumping Six-Digit Hurdles

You'd think that after a while, I'd get tired of completely dominating Resident Evil 4, but nope, I haven't yet. I've had a handful of 100,000-point runs with Wesker in the castle level of The Mercenaries, and I finally managed to get over that same hurdle in the village with Krauser. I don't remember all the details, but I put up a score of just over 111,000 last night. Now I just need to get some 100,000-point scores in Waterworld and the desert war zone, and I can call my Mercs work wrapped up.

After that, I don't know what I'll do with Resident Evil 4. I could always try beating the game on the Professional setting, though my only prize would be a truckload of bragging rights. But I've grown so used to carrying a small armory with me, and going all the way back to a much tougher Square One doesn't sound too friendly. I might just have to try it one of these days though, just to further cement my dominance over the game. Now if only the Gamecube version had the "Separate Ways" feature...

In a related story, I'm also highly anticipating the Resident Evil game that Capcom is developing for the Wii. It's not going to be Resident Evil 5 - that's being made for the X-Box 360 and the PlayStation 3 only - but what I have seen and heard has piqued my interest. There's not a whole lot of info about it (that I know of, anyway), but combined with the articles I've read and the video I saw on YouTube, it sounds like it could be a heck of a game. I might have to pick up an X-Box 360 so I can play Resident Evil 5, but once I catch a ride on the Wii Train, it's heading straight for Raccoon City.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Where's An Alpha Beta When You Need One?

I've long considered myself a nerd, and that's a label I wear with pride. But just my luck, something had to go and happen to make me rethink that.

For those of you who've been living under a rock for the last week or so, I'll explain. Sony's big new video game console, the PlayStation 3, was released at midnight yesterday. And unless you don't watch the news, you've heard of all the nerds camping out in front of electronics stores, like they were waiting in line for Star Wars, Episode 7: The Quest for More Money. And then, when the countdown to the PS3's launch expired, it was a widespread nerd riot. It was like hundreds of fraternities nationwide decided to stage much more violent reenactments of the soccer mom frenzies over Cabbage Patch Kids and Tickle Me Elmo. People were beating each other senseless, robbing one other at gunpoint, getting into mild skirmishes with the police.

And for what? An overpriced toy. That's what it is. The PS3 could make me sandwiches and massage my feet, and I'd still think that the $600 price tag is too much. And to tell you the truth, I don't see what the big deal is. I never owned the original PlayStation, and I still don't own a PS2. And because of that, I don't really feel the need to run out and acquire a PS3. And although I have quite a bit of interest in the X-Box 360, my main focus of the new generation of game consoles has been on the new Nintendo Wii. I was born and raised as a Nintendo fanboy, and I always get really excited when they release a new console. Sure, I've had to miss out on almost every awesome game to come out in the last five years because they weren't made for the Gamecube, but I'm still proud of my little purple lunch box. And while the Wii does have a goofy (albeit fun to say) name, the concept for the controller is brilliant, and games like Red Steel and The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess look amazing. Plus the Wii only costs 250 bucks, which means that it's already got one up on the PS3.

But going back to my original point, I don't get what the big deal about the PS3 is. I don't see why all these overzealous morons have to stomp one another into the ground for a $600 toy. It was pretty well known that Sony's initial shipment was going to be a little on the light side, but these nerds probably didn't hear it because they were creating little Gypsy camps in front of Best Buys and Wal-Marts around the country. I like video games as much as the next guy, but I can live with not being first in line to buy the newest console. Yes, I'd like a Wii and an X-Box 360, but I don't really have the desire to get trampled by an unruly mob or get turned into the new Reginald Denny because somebody missed out on their shot to get a PS3. I mean, this is insanity. Pure, unbridled insanity. And it's stupid.

It's not like Sony made the PS3 an ultra-limited edition item. I guess Sony wanted to see how many raging fools would line up for it on the first day. Maybe it was some kind of psychological study or social experiment or something like that. But this madness is both mind-boggling and insulting to me as a gamer. I don't have to run out and crack somebody with a brick so I can get the latest and greatest in video game technology as soon as it's available. Violence like this makes me embarrassed to be both a nerd and a gamer. Oh, I'll still identify myself as such, but my nerd badge of honor has lost a little of its luster.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to wrap this up so I can go shoot somebody and steal the video games he just bought.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

One Down, One To Go

I've finally wrapped up the first half of my double feature of reviews on Sunday. And truth be told, I'm really dreading the second one. The first half completely drained me, and not in a good way. And if that's the case with the second part, and I fully expect it to be, I'm anticipating just yanking the DVD out of the player halfway through the movie and chucking it across the room. I said last week that I was looking forward to seeing if the movie lived up to its reputation, and while that is true, I'd really like to avoid ripping my hair out in frustration over how bad the movie is.

But as I said before, the first movie in this doubleheader has almost completely worn me out, so I think I might put the second one on hold for a couple of weeks so I can recharge my batteries. If I'm going to rip this sucker to shreds, I want to be at full strength when I do it. A high-quality bashing is what I'm after. Though depending on how Netflix decides to work with me, I may try working on reviews of Clerks 2 or Superman Returns before this other movie. They both come out two weeks from today, and I might be able to acquire one of them through Netflix. I really liked both of them a lot, and either would be a good way to cleanse the palate of this horrible piece of crap I just got done reviewing. I wanted to review both Clerks 2 and Superman Returns anyway, so if it means having to put some horrible soul-killing movie on hold, then that's what I'll do what I have to do.

But we'll just see how it goes from here. I do plan on getting the second half of the doubleheader done sometime, don't worry. It just might be a few weeks. But hey, nobody ever accused me of being speedy in regards to these things. Am I right?

Tuesday, November 7, 2006

More Project Progress

I want to make a post, but I'm lacking a topic. I could talk about Horrorfest, but there's been no progress to report. I'm beginning to think it's a lost cause, if you want me to be totally honest about it. But I said I wasn't going to get my hopes up just in case, and I'm not.

Since there's nothing to talk about there, I guess I could always talk about the new writing project I mentioned about a week and a half ago, even if there's not a whole lot to discuss about it. I got the first movie in my intended doubleheader from Netflix today, and I'm really anticipating writing the review. I haven't gotten too deep into the movie yet, but I have managed to put in quite a bit of work on the opening paragraph, which is always the toughest part of every review for me.

I'm especially looking forward to the second part of this doubleheader. I've heard so many awful things about it, that I almost have to watch it as soon as I can. It's almost like a car crash; no matter how gruesome it is, you still want to look. But really, I've heard very negative reviews about both movies, so I'm not expecting either of them to be winners. Truthfully, I'm expecting to have a lot of fun bashing them if they're as bad as I hear.

And would you look at that. I went in with nothing to talk about, and cooked up something decent after all. Yay me.

Sunday, November 5, 2006

Road Trip In The Works?

Me and my regular crew were chatting a few days ago, and Tiff had an idea that I am most supportive of. I'm not quite sure if Moses and Jennifer could go for it, and we haven't really talked about it since it first came up, but I'm hoping the idea can come to fruition.

Since you're probably wondering what I'm jabbering about, Tiff's idea was us attending Horrorfest, otherwise known as "Eight Films To Die For." If you haven't seen the commercials on television, Horrorfest is a three-day film festival being held in 500 theaters in thirty-five cities on the 17th, 18th, and 19th. Each of the eight movies are horror movies that are billed as being "too shocking for general audiences," and that probably wouldn't get a theatrical release otherwise. Well, to be honest, there's actually nine movies in the festival, one of which is a "bonus movie" apparently only available to people who buy an all-access ticket to the other eight. It's only showing once, 10:00 on the 19th, which means we probably won't make it to that one if we go. Some of us have places to be on that Monday. And to be truthful, I'm not really all that interested in seeing Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror anyway.

We probably would go see it anyway, but the thing is that the only theater in the state of Kentucky that's hosting Horrorfest is up in Newport. Newport is 200 miles away, right on the Ohio River. You can spit in Newport and it'd land in Cincinnati. Now if it were in Lexington or maybe Louisville, we might be more set upon going. But considering that driving a four-hour round trip on three consecutive days would probably be quite taxing, we'd either have to rent a motel room for the weekend or just pass on the whole thing.

I'm not getting my hopes up, because we haven't decided for certain if we really are going. Like I said, we haven't talked about it since earlier in the week, and I'm probably the only one of the four that even remembers the idea of going was brought up in the first place. If we do go and have to rent a motel room, then we'll have to shake the money tree, as well as make sure that everyone will be able to free up their schedules for that weekend.

Plus, some of the movies may be a wee bit on the graphic side. And if Jennifer couldn't sit through Saw 3, then I seriously doubt she'll be able to sit through eight unrated movies that are probably going to be much worse. And I know for a fact that if she walks out, she'll be taking Moses with her, so if that's how it's gonna be, then me and Tiff might as well just go without them.

Hmm... I'll have to talk to the others about this.

Thursday, November 2, 2006

Happy Blogiversary!

Five years ago, in room 218 of Campbellsville University's Broadway Hall, a revolution was born. It had the humblest of origins, but in the half-decade that followed, it became a blogosphere powerhouse known as the one, the only, the legendary... The Matt Sutton Experience. Okay, okay, I'm exaggerating a little bit, but the last five years have been a lot of fun. So let's have a history lesson, shall we?

This here blog initially started, as many of you readers know, over at Tripod.com. A version of it is still there today. I got the idea from my neighbor Kenny, right down to misappropriating his blog's format. Outside of a few aesthetic changes - changing the text color from neon green to the current gray, adding Blatant Movie Shilling, comments, and the revolving taglines - the Tripod format has remained pretty much the same since I first opened up shop. But enough about that, what about the content? That's the most important thing, right?

Let's discount 2001, since I only had about thirteen posts over two months, and they weren't really much. So let's start with 2002. And to be truthful, 2002 wasn't a very good year for the Experience either. I averaged maybe two or three posts a month, even dipping down to just one per month on two occasions. The posts were really anemic, on occasion being just a few sentences long, which is why I've since nicknamed my 2002 archives "The Dead Zone." Post quality improved a little and post count improved greatly in 2003, especially come August. And the reason is this: the creation of Sutton At The Movies. I did the very first two, the original Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street movies, right around the time Freddy vs. Jason came out because I thought it'd be something fun to do. I didn't really think it would lead anywhere, but three years later, Sutton At The Movies has really taken off and the count stands at right around 120 reviews. That number really spiked something sharp in 2004, during which it seemed like every post I made for a few months was just to say I got a new review up. Not that that's totally a bad thing, but still.

But personally, I think the seeds for the current blog were sown in 2005. While there were quite a few "I saw a movie, here's what I thought" posts - there still are quite a few, actually - I started doing posts that were more refined than my past material. A little more refined, a little more personal, and a little more mature. That sort of thing has developed to where we are now in 2006, and I think the blog's personality has really blossomed since then. I also really believe that the blog and Sutton At The Movies have helped to make me a better writer than I was at this time in 2001, so I really can't complain about how things have progressed.

The blog has been quite a learning experience for me. It's helped me see into my own life, made me look at myself and the way I do things. The blog's evolution has been my own evolution, and I think I'm a better person for it. What started as a dorky college student's goof in 2001 has since become an important part of who I am now. The last five years have been quite a journey, and here's hoping for five more.

Wednesday, November 1, 2006

...And Then They Made Me Their Chief.

Howdy, folks. Welcome to the month of November. To celebrate the beginning of the eleventh month of the year, I've got a brand new review to share. I just finished up my review of Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, which you can check out here.

Have fun reading, and I'll see you tomorrow with the big post I have planned.