Steve Carell: Funniest Virgin Ever

Howdy, howdy. It's me again, and I have another short mini-review for you. This time, it's The 40-Year-Old Virgin. I caught a 4:45 showing of it yesterday, and I enjoyed it a lot. Steve Carell is absolutely brilliant, and the supporting cast is hilarious as well. There wasn't a moment where I wasn't laughing my head off during the movie, which is how I like my comedies. Four stars for The 40-Year-Old Virgin, and a recommendation to see it.

There isn't a whole lot going on to speak of, outside of the fact I'm happy to see all this rain. While I'm sorry that it had to come at the expense of the southeast portion of the country, the drought we've been having here as of late needed to stop.

So that's all. Sutton out.

Body By Jake: Sutton's Cure For Insomnia.

Hey, hey. It's been awhile. Just blame it on a lack of anything interesting to say.

When you're a night owl like myself, weird things tend to entertain you at 5:00 in the morning when you're delirious from no sleep. For example, reruns of Body By Jake. For you unfamiliars, Body By Jake is a 30-minute workout show hosted by a man who can be described as a cross between Sylvester Stallone and fitness guru Tony Little. I turned that show on and watched for a good ten minutes before I fell asleep.

Thanks to IFC, I've now seen two slasher movies that have gained some minor popularity among slasher movie fandom. April Fool's Day was actually enjoyable (with a twist ending to end all twist endings), but having caught a glimpse of the bottom of the genre's barrel in Slumber Party Massacre, I don't know if I want to delve any further into the slasher realm. Thanks for trying, Slumber Party Massacre, but I think I'll just stick to Freddy and Jason. No hard feelings, or anything like that. April Fool's Day gets three stars, Slumber Party Massacre gets one and a half stars.

You know, I really can't think of anything else to talk about... with the exception of one thing. I have a brand new review for Sutton At The Movies, and it's a doozy. You asked for it, you got it. The new review: none other than Sin City. Go read it. I can wait.

Okay, done reading the review? You're back? Good. Now comment! I dare you! Sutton out.

Sharks And Dukes

A new month, two new movies to do mini-reviews of. Trust me, folks, there's not much more going on outside of this.

Open Water: Thank you, Netflix. Shot with almost no crew and only $130,000 to spend, this tale of two scuba divers stranded in the middle of the ocean is as minimalist as they come. The DV cameras they use make it seem like a home video, especially when you remember that they used real sharks to swarm around the actors because they couldn't afford to create CGI or animatronic sharks. The movie is relatively light on action until the final 20 minutes, but it's actually pretty fast-paced. But if you don't want to see two people floating around for most of the movie, you could probably just skip to the end.

Speaking of the end, the movie has one of the most daring endings I've seen in a long time. Without giving it away, the end of the movie is just so bleak, but it's still acceptable. It's not one of those endings that makes no sense and ruins the whole movie, it's actually one of only two possible endings they could have done. With the two choices, I like the one they went with. Since the movie is quite similar to Cube and The Blair Witch Project in terms of execution, those who were left underwhelmed by those movies probably won't like Open Water. The dialogue is silly at times (though I really liked the "I wanted to go skiing!" line), and the acting can be hammy, but in the scope of things, the movie is actually pretty good. Three and a half stars for Open Water, and I'd recommend giving it a chance.

The Dukes of Hazzard: I know, I know. The movie has been getting nothing but bad reviews. But you know what? I liked it. While the movie might not be built on the strongest of foundations, I was still entertained. I go to movies to be entertained, so in that aspect, I'll call The Dukes of Hazzard a success in my eyes. Screw the naysayers, I know what I like. The script could have used some polishing, and the movie could benefit from two or three casting changes (primarily those playing Boss Hogg and Daisy Duke), but I had fun watching it. And really, isn't that all that matters? Johnny Knoxville and Seann William Scott were funny, the chase scenes are exciting, and the soundtrack is awesome (outside of Jessica Simpson's embarassingly bad cover of "These Boots Are Made For Walkin'"). Only fans of the show will really enjoy it, but despite its shortcomings, I'll give it a thumbs-up. Three stars.

And holy crap, the theater was packed with a capital P on Friday night. Me and my buddy Mo were intending to see the 7:30 showing of The Dukes of Hazzard, but just our luck, it sold out. But lucky us, we got in for the 10:00 show (which was equally packed). The place was absolutely full of teenybopper idiots with an average age of 14. The place looked like an Abercrombie & Fitch catalog had thrown up on a junior high field trip, and they all had cell phones. What does a 14-year-old kid need a cell phone for? Who are they gonna call? Barney the purple dinosaur? Big Bird? The Power Rangers? I might be out of touch with the youth of America (which is sad, since I'm only 23), but come on. And it was so weird, because I saw 3000 kids, five parents. How do they get there? Walk? Hitchhike? Do they have those transporters from Star Trek?

Geez, I'm 23, and I've turned into Mr. Wilson from Dennis The Menace. I guess it's time to pack it in.