Stay Classy, San Diego

Hey there, readers. It's time once again for an update.

I saw Anchorman last Monday, and it was just wonderful. Will Ferrell was awesome (as usual), but Steve Carell stole the show. His Ralph Wiggum-esque character was absolutely great. Four stars, for sure. I also caught Catwoman on Friday. It was really bad, and it felt like a two-hour music video. During the action sequences, the camera was hopping around like the cinematographer had ADD and was hopped up on Jolt Cola. Throw in the Britney Spears and Mis-Teeq dance tunes, and it really was a music video. The plot was also a bit out there. Halle Berry becomes Catwoman because she was possessed by some ancient Egyptian cat goddess? A facial cream that can either horribly disfigure you or make you invulnerable to pain depending on how much you use it? Color me stupid, but I didn't get it. Of the three theatrical appearances of Catwoman (see also: Lee Meriwether in 1966's Batman: The Movie and Michelle Pfeiffer in 1992's Batman Returns) it's definitely the least. I'll give Catwoman two stars.

Saturday night was more indy wrestling in Alton. Not a lot of highlights, other than a street fight, a lumberjack match, and a rather odd incident that involved the mother of one of the talent. He was playing a androgynous heel manager, and from what I hear from some of the regulars at the biweekly Alton shows, the audience's reaction really honked off his mom. Apparently, she didn't realize that her son was trying to get an unfavorable reaction from the crowd. Somebody needs to let her in on the joke, and tell her that the crowd was just playing along.

In horror movie news, New Line Cinema greenlighted a prequel of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake. They outbid Dimension Films (by a whopping three million dollars) to secure the proper rights, and Sheldon Turner (who scripted the yet-to-be-released remakes of The Longest Yard and The Amityville Horror) has been pegged to write it. Michael Bay, Mike Fleiss, Andrew Form, and Brad Fuller will be producing, while remake cast member Andrew Brynarski has said he'll be returning as Leatherface. They're aiming for a Halloween 2005 release.

On the subject of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, there's three new reviews up at "Sutton At The Movies." You can check out my reviews of Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation by clicking the titles, and you can also check out my reviews for the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre and last year's remake.

For those interested, Rob Zombie's comic book "La Superbeasto" will be adapted into an animated movie. Zombie will be the executive producer and writer, and Anchor Bay Entertainment will handle the domestic video distribution.

Good news on the Internet front: Those of you who regularly chat with me online know I have a crappy dialup connection. But come September 24th, I'll be sporting a brand new DSL connection. It's all a matter of the phone company getting it set up.

Mike Tyson is fighting in Louisville on Friday, and I wish I could be there or be watching on pay-per-view. But 50 bucks for the PPV and several hundred for a ticket is outrageous.

I read on IMDB just now that a long-time character on The Simpsons will come out of the closet in a future episode. Most people think it's Smithers, but it could be either Patty or Selma. Remember that episode with the gay pride parade passing the Simpson house? There was a float dedicated to people that haven't come out yet, and it featured Smithers and either Patty or Selma. I can't tell Patty and Selma apart, but it could be one or the other.

One of Kentucky's two indoor football teams, the Lexington Horsemen, recently advanced to the National Indoor Football League's championship game against the Sioux Falls Storm in two weeks. Hey, Mike, did you know Sioux Falls had an indoor football team? Because my team's gonna kill them.

I got into a discussion about the WWE Hall of Fame recently, and the topic of the "celebrity wing" came up. Pete Rose was the first inductee at Wrestlemania, and who else could be inducted? Bob Uecker's name came up as a potential inductee, but one could make a case for Andy Kaufman. Sure, Kaufman never worked with WWE, but his feud with Jerry Lawler was one of the high points of Lawler's career. Besides, he did a movie with Fred Blassie (the 1983 cult flick My Breakfast With Blassie, a spoof of the 1981 drama My Dinner With Andre), so there's a second WWE connection right there.

Wow, this is one long update. I'll just cut it off here. Sutton out.

The Village: Worst Twist Ever

Here's another quick update for you, my devoted readers.

I caught The Village and Harold And Kumar Go To White Castle today. The Village wasn't really bad, even though they more or less gave vague hints to the ending numerous times throughout the movie (I even called it twenty minutes before the credits rolled). I thought the cast did a decent job and that the production value was good, but it was like the plot from a crappy episode of Scooby Doo, Where Are You? with the ending from a crappy episode of The Twilight Zone. The movie also dragged a few times, to the point where I was on the verge of shouting "do something already!" at the screen. A very disappointing movie, indeed. As for Harold And Kumar, it wasn't as disappointing as The Village. It was just your typical "stoners on a mission" movie, except the leads are an Asian and an Indian instead of suburban white kids. There were some funny moments and some groan-worthy moments, but I liked it for what it was. It also left the door open for Harold And Kumar Go To Amsterdam if this is a success. I'll give The Village two stars and Harold And Kumar Go To White Castle 2½ stars.

They also showed the first teaser trailer for Batman Begins prior to The Village, and if you haven't seen it yet, go to the movie's website and download it. Saying that it piques my interest is an understatement. I also caught the trailer for Shaun of the Dead prior to Harold And Kumar, and it looks great. It came out in England in April, and I haven't heard a single bad thing about it. Both Batman Begins and Shaun of the Dead have been added to "Blatant Movie Shilling."

That's all I've really got to say for today. Sutton out.

Me, Human

Hello, dear readers.

I saw I, Robot yesterday, and I liked it a lot. The ending kinda came out of nowhere, but other than that, I can't complain. And the CGI isn't bad either. I give it three and a half stars. The trailers in front of I, Robot didn't look that bad, either. Advertised were Collateral, Paparazzi, Resident Evil: Apocalypse, and Alien vs. Predator. Collateral looks kinda like Changing Lanes with a hitman, which isn't a bad thing because Changing Lanes was awesome. I was already looking forward to Apocalypse and AvP, and I have no opinions on Paparazzi.

On the topic of the Resident Evil sequel, those of you who are into metal or horror movie soundtracks can check out the track listing for the Apocalypse soundtrack here. Putting songs by CKY and HIM on there makes my day, but two things bug me about it. I already have them both on the CDs they were originally featured on, and I don't think they really fit with the theme of the movie. The video for the CKY song has stuck it in my head that it'd be better suited for a slasher movie, and the HIM track would probably work better for the suicide scene in a Romeo & Juliet movie. I'm not going to complain about the songs being on the soundtrack, however. Anything that gets CKY and HIM mainstream recognition is fine by me.

Variety recently reported that George Romero's long-anticipated fourth Dead movie has gotten financing (but doesn't have a distributor yet), and should start filming in either Winnipeg or Pittsburgh in October. From what I hear, it'll be titled Land of the Dead (as opposed to the previously rumored Dead Reckoning and Twilight of the Dead). Whenever it gets a release date, I'll definately be sure to add it to the "Blatant Movie Shilling."

I've been discussing WWE doing "best of" compilation DVDs, and I have to say that the specs I've seen for the upcoming Chris Benoit DVD look pretty swank. I just need to track down a copy of the 2001 Royal Rumble for the Benoit/Jericho ladder match (if it isn't on Benoit's DVD), and I'll be set. The only bad part about tracking down the 2001 Rumble is the fact that it'd be pretty hard to find in stores, thanks to the old WWF scratch logo. The same goes for the 2001 Survivor Series. Thanks a lot, you panda-loving losers.

After watching the Gangstas/Eliminators cage match on the ECW Hardcore History DVD today, I think WWE shoud do a hardcore cage match sometime. Just fill a cage full of weapons and let the participants go nuts. I think the closest they've gotten is the "Kennel From Hell" match, but who really wants to remember that? I'm a fan of cage matches anyway. It's too bad that DirecTV has stopped carrying TNA pay-per-views, because the six-sided cage match they've got booked for Wednesday sounds intriguing. I'm just waiting for them to put the cage up, take the ring ropes down, and have Ken Shamrock fight a guy under UFC rules. Maybe they could get Dan Severn for it. They're both former UFC and NWA champs, so TNA wouldn't have to work hard to write an angle. Sure, a no-ropes cage match with UFC rules sounds like one of the old "lion's den" matches, but I still think it would be cool. But I like UFC, so maybe I'm biased.

I was talking with someone recently about WWE doing War Games matches. They already have the Elimination Chamber on Raw, so they could make War Games a Smackdown thing. Maybe they could do one at Survivor Series, and the other at Summerslam. Better yet, make Armageddon a Smackdown-only pay-per-view, and do a War Games match there. I could see that happening if WWE ever decided to use the War Games gimmick. They could even spice it up by using the Hell In A Cell cage instead of the usual two-ring cage. They could even make a bigger Hell In A Cell cage that covered two rings if they wanted to.

I don't really have anything else interesting to say. Sutton out.

Billy Bob Thornton: World's Worst Santa

Hello, all. Here's another post.

Yes, Lib, I have heard of Lacuna Coil. I don't exactly follow the goth-metal scene, and I hadn't heard any Lacuna Coil songs until I downloaded "The Ghost Woman And The Hunter" on Sunday (mainly because the song title caught my eye). After hearing the song, I think I'm gonna have to buy "Comalies."

I had a two-hour telephone conversation with one Ms. Moore yesterday afternoon. Good times. :)

In wrestling news, OVW's show at the Louisville Six Flags on Friday was rained out, but Jim Cornette gave everyone there free passes for the next OVW Six Flags show on July 23, and Eddie Guerrero (who was scheduled to wrestle) stuck around in the rain to sign autographs. That's some good PR, if you ask me. Too bad the show on Satuday wasn't outdoors, because it rained, and I'd have totally tried to get Lance Storm's autograph (he was there, by the way).

I found some old videos in my closet yesterday, and one of them is titled "Wrestlemania: The Greatest Matches." The four matches on the tape are Hulk Hogan vs. Andre The Giant and Randy Savage vs. Rick Steamboat (listed as "Ricky Dragon" on the box) from Mania 3, Bret Hart vs. Roddy Piper from Mania 8, and the Steiners vs. the Headshrinkers from Mania 9. Okay, who thought the Steiners/Headshrinkers match was one of Mania's greatest? It was also listed as a tag title match, which is wrong. Then again, the label on the tape is "WF Summerslam: The Greatest Hits." Apparently, somebody forgot to add the second W in "WWF," and he should have been paying attention to what tapes he was labeling. I also found another tape from the same time period (1994 or thereabouts) that has the same "WF" typo, but I'll forgive them because the tape has a Bret Hart/Shawn Michaels ladder match. However, it also included the Doinks match from Survivor Series '93, so that's a knock against it.

On a related topic, I think WWE should start doing compilations of random matches like the ECW DVDs. Sure, they'll do comps for individual wrestlers, but I'd like to see something along the lines of the "Bloodbath" cage match DVD. Maybe they could do a DVD centered on ladder matches or War Games. A "best of Wrestlemania" DVD would be great too. They could do something like my suggestion for a WWE wrestling channel: do "best of" compilations for their major PPVs. I wouldn't mind them continuing the "best of ECW" line, or even do a "best of WCW" thing.

After catching The Breakfast Club on TV last night, I wonder if there would be a market for a remake of it. I love the movie, but I'd totally do a remake of it if I could get the rights and I knew a studio would pick it up. And just for kicks, I'd have to work in Billy Idol's cover of "Don't You Forget About Me."

I caught the uncut version of Bad Santa (or "Badder Santa," if you will), and I laughed my head off. There's truckloads of profanity and sexual innuendo, so if you're not into that, you're better off skipping it. I'll give Bad Santa three stars. Funny stuff.

That's all I've got for now. You people go do something. Sutton out.

I *heart* OVW

Howdy, folks. I got out to the OVW show I mentioned in some of my recent updates, and I had a great time. Seeing a couple of WWE guys (even if they're not huge names) for ten bucks is a pretty good deal. And Matt Morgan even used A.J. Styles's "styles clash" as a finisher, too. Perhaps the biggest highlight of the show involved Nova, his tag partner Aaron "The Idol" Stevens, and a fan in the front row. The fan had a replica of the Big Gold Belt, and he left it in his seat while he ran out to the parking lot to roll up his car windows (because it had just started raining). Nova and Stevens, who had just entered for their match, took the belt and started posing in the ring with it, with Stevens going as far as to put it on and spit water in the air a la Triple H. You kinda had to be there, but it was funny to me.

Nothing else to say for tonight. Blame it on a lack of topics. Sutton out.

Jessica Simpson: World's Dumbest Genius

Hello, faithful readers. I hope all three of you had a great Fourth of July.

Here's some odd news I heard on Access Hollywood tonight. In the newest issue of Vanity Fair, Jessica Simpson's mother says Jessica took an IQ test in fifth grade, and the results said she had an IQ of 160. So Mrs. Simpson would like us to believe that her moron daughter is a genius on the level of Albert Einstein. Yeah, right. If you believe that, I have a bridge in San Fransisco I'd like to sell you.

The OVW show in Springfield is on Saturday, and the flyer I saw in McDonald's the other day features somebody that was fired months ago. Way to keep track of things, OVW. That's like WWE running ads featuring Jeff Hardy. If OVW was smart, they'd have stuck Johnny Nitro and Matt Morgan on there. Morgan's the champ, and casual fans could remember Nitro as Bischoff's toadie on Raw. It wasn't that long ago.

Quick bit of horror movie news: Paris Hilton is a possible addition to the cast of Scary Movie 4, and may be persuing a "Scream Queen" title following her roles in the direct-to-video horror flick Nine Lives and the remake of the Vincent Price classic House of Wax (which is currently under production).

A rumor floating around is that, in addition to Spy Hunter, The Rock will add another video game movie to his resume by joining the cast of the theatrical adaptation of Doom. Most video game movies suck, but I hope Doom can be watchable.

In other video game movie news, I downloaded the trailer for Resident Evil: Apocalypse tonight, and it actually looks pretty good. The original movie wasn't that great (even though I did like it), but as a Resident Evil fan, I feel almost obligated to see it.

I read recently that TNA pay-per-views are no longer offered by DirecTV as of this week. Since Dish Network doesn't offer their PPVs (or so I'm told), they'd better hope DirecTV picks them back up soon, or they're screwed. A lack of PPV buyers will be a huge knock out of their pocketbooks. I guess this means Impact had better start improving, since DirecTV subscribers still get Fox Sports.

That's all I've got for now. Sutton out.

With Great Power Comes Great Sequels

I caught Spider-Man 2 tonight, and it was great. I thought it was better than the first one, though I don't think the "best superhero movie ever" tag is completely accurate. Personally, that goes to Tim Burton's first Batman movie. But hey, that's just my opinion. Anyway, as a movie nerd and a fan of Sam Raimi, I really liked the appearences of Bruce Campbell, Sam's brother Ted, and Sam's Oldsmobile Delta 88. Though in one crucial part of the movie, the projectionist screwed something up and accidentally killed the audio and played the entirety a song by Hillary Duff and her sister from the A Cinderella Story soundtrack. (The song was part of the "MovieTunes" thing that some theaters run before the movie starts.) About a dozen people got up and complained, and I think a few of them didn't come back. Me and my buddies ended up making a joke tying the Hillary Duff song to the scene ("Uncle Ben came back from the grave to tell Peter that Hillary Duff is awesome!"). Regardless of that one weird spot, I'll give Spider-Man 2 four stars. Good stuff, Matt says check it out.

While I'm here, I should also mention that I got the coolest phone call in the world yesterday. I'll give you one guess as to who it might have been from. :)

Nothing else to say, so Sutton out.