"I'm David Hasselhoff." "Yay!"

Happy day-before-Thanksgiving, everybody. Remember, thirty-one days until Christmas, and thirty-eight days until 2005.

One more week, and one more trip to the movies. I caught The Incredibles and The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie today, and the only thing they have in common was the fact that they're both animated. The SpongeBob movie was really out there. Imagine if you watched a 90-minute episode of the show while hopped up on acid, and there you go. As is the case with the commercials, the David Hasselhoff cameo is the best part of the movie, and other than that, I can't really recommend it to anyone but diehard fans of the show. Meanwhile, I really enjoyed The Incredibles. Despite the hype, I went in not expecting much (because I didn't think too highly of Finding Nemo), but I really enjoyed it. The ending seemed just kinda thrown together, but that's my only complaint. Two and a half stars for The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, and four stars for The Incredibles.

I'm a little disappointed that the WB showed A Walk To Remember instead of Smallville. I like A Walk To Remember, but I'd rather watch Smallville. I already own the A Walk To Remember DVD, so why would I want to watch it on TV? It's all edited and has commercials and all that other crap. The WB should just sell Smallville to UPN so I don't have to bother watching that stupid network at all. They've only had three good shows... one got sent to UPN and eventually cancelled, one got outright cancelled, and the third one is Smallville. Stupid WB and their stupid crappy shows. First they go and cancel all their good cartoons, then they narrow down their good prime-time shows down to one. I just want to kick WB in the face. A kick! To the face! Of the WB!

Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, and Fantasia Barrino had an "American Idols Sing Christmas Carols" special tonight... and why? Isn't the day before Thanksgiving a wee bit early to start with the Christmas caroling? Can't they wait until the day after Thanksgiving? Geez, at this rate, they're gonna start doing Christmas stuff two days after Easter. And what's the point of winning American Idol anyway? No matter when you get voted off the show, you still get to release an album. And you don't even need talent as long as you have a boatload of enthusiasm. (I'm looking at you, William Hung.)

So... what am I gonna talk about now? I've burnt myself out on horror (something must be wrong with me), so how about some wrestling?

The extra features for the upcoming Rob Van Dam DVD (which will see store shelves on January 4, 2005) have been released, and they are:

1. vs. Pat Rose - WCW Saturday Night; January 23, 1993 (RVD's WCW debut)
2. vs. Scotty Flamingo (currently known as Raven) - WCW Worldwide; February 8, 1993
3. vs. Axl Rotten - ECW Hardcore TV; January 5, 1996 (RVD's ECW debut)
4. vs. Sabu - ECW Hostile City Showdown; April 20, 1996
5. vs. Sabu in an "Extreme Death Match" - ECW Hardcore Heaven; June 22, 1996
6. with Sabu vs. The Eliminators - ECW Crossing The Line; February 1, 1997
7. vs. Lance Storm - ECW Barely Legal; April 13, 1997 (RVD's pay-per-view debut)
8. vs. Jeff Hardy - WWF Raw; May 12, 1997
9. vs. Tommy Dreamer in a "flag match" - ECW November To Remember; November 30, 1997
10. vs. Bam Bam Bigelow - ECW Hardcore TV; April 4, 1998 (RVD begins his two-year reign as TV champion)
11. vs. Jerry Lynn - ECW Living Dangerously; March 21, 1999
12. vs. Balls Mahoney - ECW Anarchy Rulz; September 16, 1999
13. vs. Jerry Lynn - ECW Guilty As Charged (ECW's final PPV); January 7, 2001
14. vs. Jeff Hardy - WWF Invasion; July 22, 2001
15. vs. Chris Jericho - WWE King Of The Ring; June 23, 2002
16. vs. Christian in a ladder match - WWE Raw; September 29, 2003

Sixteen full matches? Holy crap, that's a lot of matches. And I'm still bummed that even though he was ECW's most over wrestler at one point, Heyman never gave him a world title run before the promotion went the way of the dinosaur. Instead, he got two years of their TV title, and he only lost that because he broke his leg. But regardless, from the sound of the special features alone, I just may have to pick this DVD up.

I can't think of anything else I want to say. Sutton out.

I Still Love Horror Movies

Outside of a wonky DSL connection (which is being causes by a problem with my phone line, or so I'm told), everything is doing A-OK here. I think my AIM might have a problem not related to my DSL, so if you see me on MSN or Yahoo and not AIM, my AIM went kablooey. Just say hi through one of the other messengers, or call me if you have my phone number and don't feel like running up your phone bill. :P

That ECW DVD is looking and sounding really good, but with no money, it'll have to wait until when I get some dead presidents in December. I hate waiting. Waiting sucks. I want that DVD now. Now!

I've gotten hooked on Smallville recently, even though I'm more of a Batman fan. I'm just waiting for Bruce Wayne to make an appearance in Smallville. They already had The Flash on there, so Batman could be next. They could even get Christian Bale to show up as Bruce Wayne to promote Batman Begins.

A quick shot of horror movie headlines... Any hope for Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash or Evil Dead 4 is probably dead now, as Variety reports that Sam Raimi, Bruce Campbell, and Rob Tapert are teaming up to produce a remake of their 1982 cult classic The Evil Dead. From what I gather, Raimi won't be returning to the director's chair for this one, and I doubt Campbell will be reprising the role of Ash. If it were up to me, I'd cast Rider Strong as Ash. He had a real Bruce Campbell-y vibe going in Cabin Fever, and I think he could do a decent job with the role. And all these people that are all "wah wah wah no Evil Dead 4 wah wah wah no FvJvA" should just shut up and get over it. George Romero produced a remake of Night of the Living Dead, and he's still doing the fourth movie in his Dead Trilogy (well, I guess that's "Dead Quadrilogy" now). Sure, that's not exactly the same, but still.

Wow, I talk about horror movies way too much. I think I may have an addiction. But at least I'm not one of those psychopaths that go on a murder spree and blame them on horror movies. Horror movies didn't make me a psycho; they made me want to make a horror movie. I'd find more things to talk about besides horror, but since I'm usually stuck in my house in front of my computer, my social life is a wee bit lacking. Some of you readers should move to the Bluegrass State and give me a social life and keep me entertained or give me something to do or something.

Okay, folks, that's all I've got for today. Sutton out.

I Love Horror Movies

Caught Seed of Chucky in Danville. The whole Glen/Glenda subplot was kind of weird, as was the movie's whole vibe in general. I think it's rather poetic that John Waters was in it, because the movie feels like the kind of one he'd make. If you've seen a John Waters movie (like Hairspray or Serial Mom), you know what I mean. This is a movie that you'll probably either love or hate, but me, I was in the middle. I liked it, but I didn't love it. If they'd used the Hollywood setting to its full advantage, it would have definitely been an improvement. Instead, we get to see two killer dolls and their gender-confused offspring hanging out at Jennifer Tilly's house. Let's give Seed of Chucky three and a half stars and leave it at that. The "Chucky kills Britney Spears (or a reasonable facsimile thereof)" scene gets five stars, though.

Meanwhile, with the recent Halloweeny talk about horror movies along a particular stretch of Blog Nation highway, I figure I might as well throw my hat into the ring. I know I talk about horror movies a lot, but I'm gonna jump into this sucker headfirst and speak more openly about it.

I've been a fan of the genre for as long as I can remember. The earliest memories I have of my horror fandom are renting a stack of Friday The 13th movies at the local video store and watching them over and over, then begging my dad to take me to see Jason Goes To Hell when it opened in theatres (he said no, by the way). Even as an 11-year-old sixth grader back in 1993, I was hooked. And now, eleven years later, the love I have for horror has grown by leaps and bounds. Thirty-one percent of my DVD collection is made up of horror movies. Yeah, I love comedies, sci-fi, and action movies, and I'll watch the occasional drama. Sometimes I'll even get up the nerve to watch a chick flick once in a blue moon (I actually own one, but keep that under your hat). But nine times out of ten, I'll pick a horror movie over any other. I don't care how "classic" a movie is. Gone With The Wind? Give me Halloween. The Wizard of Oz? I'll be watching Night of the Living Dead, thanks.

For a long time, people thought I was weird for liking horror movies (and the Friday The 13th flicks in general), and I never had a reason for why I did. "They're softcore porn with violence," they told me. But after some introspection, I've come up with some good reasons to explain why I love what I love. First off, horror will always get a thumbs up from me due to its relevance in our social culture. Many horror movies take things that we don't want to see or think about, and presents them in a form that nearly smacks us in our collective faces. This can especially be seen in movies like Tales From The Hood (a sadly underrated urban spin on Tales From The Crypt) and Wes Craven's legendary exploitation movie The Last House on the Left, and the television show The Twilight Zone (Rod Serling's original, not the watered-down retreads of recent years).

I also find horror movies to be therapeutic. Horror films in general make us acknowledge one emotion that we try to repress: fear. Watching horror movies allows us to spend ninety minutes on the edge of our seats, making us jump and scream with every scare. And when they're over, we can walk away with smiles on our faces because we faced fear and made it through okay. Like I said earlier, people used to give me lots of crap for liking the Friday The 13th movies. They had no clue why a person would enjoy "mindless garbage" like that. But see, that's where the therapy comes in. I've got a really nasty temper, and watching the Friday movies help me out. If I'm upset, I can just watch Jason causing all kinds of carnage onscreen and imagine his victims are the things that are troubling me. I know it sounds a little crazy, but hey, anything that keeps my temper in check can't be so bad, can it?

Okay, enough horror for now. I feel like going on a wrestling tangent for a little while. There's more to me than just horror, you know. I'm more complex than that. Don't laugh like that, it's true.

WWE's been firing a boatload of employees lately, somewhere between 10 and 15 wrestlers (depending on who you get your information from). Some of the firings just don't make any sense to me. WWE's women's division is extremely small, and firing three of their Divas is just insane, especially considering that they just spent $250,000 on Christy Hemme. Don't get me wrong, I like her, but I doubt she knows a wristlock from a wristwatch. Then again, Trish Stratus got into wrestling as a fitness model that had never wrestled a day in her life, and look at her now. If she were a man, she'd be a world champion.

Survivor Series is this weekend as well. I heard a rumor that HHH was pushing to have the Raw elimination match be made a War Games match, because he grew up watching the NWA and loved the gimmick. Vince ended up shooting down the idea, which is a shame because I'd love to see a WWE War Games match. This is one time I'd have no problem with HHH getting his way. I've said before that I'm a fan of the War Games gimmick, and there are numerous ways for WWE to do one. They could always build a traditional War Games cage, they could stick all the guys in the Hell In A Cell cage, they could do a three-on-three War Games match in the Elimination Chamber, and there's probably plenty of other ideas they could use. They could even break out the Ready To Rumble three-tiered cage and call THAT a War Games match. WCW did once, and it wasn't that bad. The Ready To Rumble cage has only been used twice (well, three times if you count the movie), and I wouldn't mind seeing another one. But who am I kidding? The only way WWE would ever run a match like that is if they showed Ready To Rumble instead of Raw or Smackdown.

I'm begging someone in WWE to steal the "Canadian Destroyer." For those of you who haven't seen TNA, the Canadian Destroyer is the finishing move of TNA's X-Division champion, Petey Williams, and it's one of the most insane moves I've ever seen. Too bad WWE has discouraged the use of piledrivers (with the exception of the occasional Undertaker tombstone), because if somebody did that in a WWE match, the audience would go absolutely nuts.

That's all I've got for now. At this late hour, sleep good. Sutton out.

Horror Movie News

I haven't done this in a while, so I'm gonna hit the blog with some Horror Movie News.

First off, with it looking less and less likely that Bruce Campbell's "Ash" character from the Evil Dead trilogy will be involved in Freddy vs. Jason 2, it appears that the good folks at New Line Cinema have a backup plan. Robert Englund gave an interview at the After The Sunset premiere, and he says that New Line is considering adding Michael Myers from the Halloween series to the mix. I'm gonna call shenanigans on this one. I sincerely doubt that Dimension Films and Moustapha Akkad would allow New Line to use Michael Myers. Besides, I don't know how much of a "name" Michael Myers is. Most people just know Michael Myers as the guy that played Austin Powers. The first Halloween is a classic, but outside of diehard horror fans, how many people knew who Michael Myers even was before Halloween H2O? I'd love to see Freddy vs. Jason vs. Michael, but I'd like them to go back to straight Elm Street and Friday The 13th sequels.

Never mind, forget that. Right after I finished typing that, the Freddy vs. Jason vs. Michael rumor was debunked by New Line as just wishful thinking on Robert's part.

A sequel for The Grudge has been greenlighted already. Stephen Susco, who wrote the movie, will return to pen Grudge 2, and Sam Raimi, Rob Tapert, Roy Lee, and Doug Davidson will return as producers. No word yet on if Sarah Michelle Gellar or Takashi Shimizu (who directed not only The Grudge, but the Japanese films that inspired it) will be involved.

Also greenlighted was Saw 2, the sequel to Saw (obviously). Saw scored the second-highest opening weekend in the history of Lions Gate Films (second only to Fahrenheit 9/11), and Saw 2 has been given a release date of October 28, 2005. Lions Gate also gave a release date to Rob Zombie's The Devil's Rejects, which will hit theaters on August 12, 2005.

It also looks like Sarah Michelle Gellar is on her way to becoming a modern scream queen. She's got Scream 2, I Know What You Did Last Summer, and The Grudge under her belt, as well as spending seven seasons as the title character on Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and she recently signed on for a new supernatural thriller titled Revolver. Asif Kapadia will be directing from an Adam Sussman script, which follows a successful businesswoman whose recurring nightmares push her to investigate the mysterious death of a young woman 25 years earlier. If you ask me, it sounds like a cross between The Ring and Gothika, but I'll save judgment for when I actually see it.

Okay, folks, that's not a lot, but that's all the news that's fit to print. And I'd like to close by saying that Britney Spears's cover of "My Prerogative" just may be one of the worst songs I've ever heard in my life. Bobby Brown's version was awful enough, but she went and made it worse. I didn't know a person could sing molten feces, but Britney Spears proved it was possible.

Sutton out.

Optimus Prime: Best President Ever

A boy can dream...