Killing Time With Comics

[And now for the finale of my second "Blackout Manifesto."]

I finally took the time to finish reading The Dark Knight Returns, and wrapped it up just now. It wasn't exactly what I thought it'd be, but it's kinda hard for something to live up to a reputation like the one The Dark Knight Returns has built over the last two decades. Frankly, I had a hard time following it, and I thought the art was average at best. And I really could have done without the annoying TV news anchor character. Those of you who've read it will hopefully remember who I'm talking about.

Maybe that's just me, I don't know. I almost feel like I should turn in my "comic book fan club" membership card for not loving an exalted classic like The Dark Knight Returns. But eh, whatever. You can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time. But I'll give The Dark Knight Returns props for ending with a fight between Batman and Superman. I've been wanting to see something like that for a long time.

So yeah, I guess my feelings for it can be summed up with a "meh."

[The power returned at 5:00, just as soon as I finished writing this post in my notebook. How's that for coincidence? I think the outage may have fried my VCR, which is kind of a piece of junk to begin with. I really should get around to buying a new one, before VCRs become completely extinct. I wouldn't even worry about it if I didn't absolutely need a VCR in order to plug my DVD player and game consoles into my television. If I can't get it to work, this will probably be the spur I need to get a new one. But anyway, this is it for the posts I wrote during the power outage. I said on Monday that I needed to come up with new content, so hooray for the power outage for helping me out.]

Passing Time With No Power

[Longtime readers of the MSX may or may not remember what I referred to as my "Blackout Manifesto." It was three posts that I'd written by hand in order to amuse myself during a power outage in June of 2006. We had another power outage this afternoon, so I decided to kill some time by writing some more posts. Here's the first of two.]

You know what sucks? Being stuck with no electricity. Yeah, it bites hard. The power went out a few minutes ago, right when everybody in the house was in the middle of something. So that really makes it even more bothersome.

It could be worse, though. Last time I remember having a power outage for any length of time, it was at night, so we were all stuck in the dark. At least it's in the middle of the afternoon right now. But that's only one tiny plus. Maybe it's the fact that I spend all day goofing around with electronics that makes me so uptight about power outages. Plus knowing that we're also having problems with our water pressure makes me think that I might as well be living in a cave somewhere right now. (Hopefully a cool cave with a fully-stocked fridge and a big-screen TV, not a "some monster is going to eat my face" cave like in The Descent.)

This is why I could never cut it as an Amish person. I enjoy modern conveniences too doggone much. Without a television and the Internet, I'm clueless. Should I be that way? I know I'm not the only person like this, but does that make it normal? I'm not sure.

Anyway, I'm sure I can find something around here to do between now and whenever the power returns. I checked some graphic novels out of the library two months ago that I have yet to return (or finish reading, for that manner), so I guess I could get back into those. I'm almost finished with The Dark Knight Returns, and I'd like to re-read Batman: Year One, so I could always get that done. Sounds like a plan.

[Stay tuned for Part 2.]

By The Power of Grayskull

I figure that I've been neglecting the MSX lately. Considering I post only two or three times a week, I could stand to post more often. I guess I need to start thinking of ways to remedy that.

So I thought I'd begin with a brand new review for "Sutton At The Movies." With this review, I revisit something from my early childhood by reviewing the 1987 live-action adaptation of Masters of the Universe. I was a huge fan of Masters of the Universe way back in the day, but watching this movie is like getting kicked in the nuts. It's so bad.

Anyway, go check that out while I try to think up some more new content.

War Is Hell

I'm sure all of my American readers have seen the advertisements for the new movie Rambo by now. Your friendly neighborhood movie fan headed out to see it, and I have to say that I was astounded by just how violent it is.

The "Rambo" brand name was built on senseless violence in the three movies released during the '80s. But this new one steps it up to insane proportions. Heads are blown off, arms and legs are blown off, the occasional Burmese child is shot, people are set on fire. It's almost like the Hostel of action movies. (Not really in terms of graphicness, but in terms of the number of violent acts commited.) The sheer amount of violence in this movie is staggering.

But I guess that's to be expected when you see a Rambo movie. And I'll be truthful, the movie is really entertaining if you're into action movies. It's light on plot, and any actor could have been cast in these roles, but that's what makes them so much fun. So I'll give Rambo three and a half stars, and wonder why they couldn't have just called it First Blood, Part 4. That's what it is, isn't it?

Mega Man vs. The Undead

You know what's good for a laugh?

Playing Dead Rising with your character dressed as Mega Man.

Bless you, Capcom. You guys are great.

All That Hype... For This?

I just got home from seeing Cloverfield a little while ago, and I'm really not sure how I feel about it. I guess when you hold it up against all the hype that's been building up for it since July, the word I'd be looking for is "underwhelmed."

There's some really good parts and some parts that could have been better, but thanks to the silly Blair Witch gimmick that the movie's been saddled with, it all ends up being a big jumbled mess. The gimmick only really helps to better the movie in a handful of sequences (the walk through the subway tunnel and the final ten or fifteen seconds, for example), and to tell you the truth, the movie really didn't need the gimmick. Cloverfield would have worked just as good - maybe even better - had it been made as a normal movie.

It doesn't help anything that the movie takes a while to really get rolling, and that the character that's running the camcorder for the whole movie is an annoying pain in the neck that seems like he couldn't hold the camera straight if his life depended on it. But what really grinds my gears about Cloverfield is the amazing lack of screen time for the monster. They only really bother to show the monster two or three times, and you never get a sense for how truly monstrous it is because its entire amount of screen time throughout the entire movie totals to about maybe thirty seconds. Yeah, I know J.J. Abrams is all about mystery, which is why Lost hasn't answered a single question in however long it's been on. But when I go to see a monster movie, I'm expecting to see a monster. It would be like watching a Godzilla movie, only to have Godzilla hiding behind skyscrapers for the entire thing while he was being videotaped by somebody with Parkinson's. I guess with the gimmick and the way the story was being told, they couldn't really give the monster a whole lot of time to shine. But I don't want to have to watch the DVD in slow-motion in order to know what the heck the monster looked like.

I'm sure my opinion of the movie will sway toward one side or the other when I've had the chance to watch the DVD come April or May, but all I can really say right now is "meh." The concept behind Cloverfield is novel, and actually lends itself to adding to the movie's suspense in a few scenes. But I guess I went in with expectations that were way too high, because I was expecting a little something more. So I guess I'll give it a big ol' thumbs in the middle with three and a half stars. Maybe if they make Cloverfield 2, they'll go back to the typical movie-making process. Ooh, idea! Maybe they could do the sequel with another gimmick, telling the story with local news coverage. It'd be kinda like the extra feature that's on the DVD of the Dawn of the Dead remake. It might be better as a short film, but it could be neat.

And to pose a question to those of you readers who've seen it, wouldn't a Cloverfield video game be awesome?

Games, Traps, And Reviews

Keeping with the recent theme of seeing movies, I just finished up a brand new review for you guys to check out. I've ventured back into the realm of horror with this one, as I take on Saw IV.

There's several other movies that I need to get around to reviewing, mainly sequels that were released last year. And there were a bunch of them, so I'm sure I'll be busy. I guess I'd better get to work on that.

Please, Miss This Call

Unfortunately, not every movie can be as good as Juno. I just got back from another run to the theater, where I caught the new remake of the Japanese thriller One Missed Call. I enjoyed the Japanese version when I saw it a year or two ago, so I went in hoping for the best. And boy, was I way off. I didn't see a movie, I saw a big sweaty turd.

Honestly, I have no idea where to begin with this wretched waste of time and money. The cast - with the exception of the criminally underused Ray Wise - is pretty much awful, with none of them doing anything whatsoever to make me care. Their delivery is really bad, but it doesn't help that they're working with one of the most inept scripts ever translated from paper to film. The thing is just shoddily put together, and it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. And let's not forget the absolutely insane subplot involving the lead character, as played by Shannyn Sossamon, being afraid of peepholes. They build this fear of peepholes up through the whole movie, then give it one of the sorriest explanations ever. And then the final payoff is so ludicrous, you just want to yell profanities at the screen. If I had three wishes, one of them would be the ability to jump into this movie and engage in fisticuffs with everyone involved in its production.

Really, the more I talk about this garbage, the madder I get. And if the studio behind it is reading this, please get in contact with me, because I'd really like to get my seven dollars back if that's possible. You know, I never walk out of movies no matter how bad they are, but One Missed Call actually had me inching towards the door. And that's terrible. With a crappy cast, a crappy script, a crappy director, crappy jump scares, and crappy CGI, I'm going to give this crap one and a half stars. Please, for the love of everything that is good and holy in the universe, do not see the remake of One Missed Call. If any of your friends ask you if you want to go see it, punch them square in the face. Forget the waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay, this is real torture.

Juno What I Mean?

I believe I've mentioned a time or two that I've really been itching to see the latest "little indie movie that could," Juno. The only thing that had been stopping me was the fact that it wasn't playing at any theater within fifty miles. But the two theaters I commonly patronize finally - finally! - decided to start showing Juno this weekend, so I had to get out of the house and see it. And that's just what I did this afternoon. I'm glad I did get to see it, because it's a thoroughly fabulous movie.

Everything about Juno is wonderful. The cast, the writing, the direction, everything. Every superlative you can think of perfectly fits this movie. It's funny, sweet, charming, and sad at times, and it never fails to be nothing short of enthralling from start to finish. The script by Diablo Cody (how awesome is that name?) is full of quotable dialogue and lovable characters, who are played by actors who are pitch perfect. I'm not shy to admit that I'm an Ellen Page fan, and her great performance here reaffirms that. She's the movie's main emotional anchor, and she handles the material wonderfully. The supporting cast are no slouches, either. J.K. Simmons and Allison Janney are charming as the lead character's father and stepmother, while Michael Cera is amiable as the father of Juno's baby and Jennifer Garner and Jason Bateman are sweet as the baby's potential adoptive parents.

All in all, Juno is an amazing movie that I wish I'd gotten to see weeks ago. And if you haven't seen it, get out there and see it for yourself, especially if you're into quirky independent comedies. As it stands, I'm proudly going to give Juno four and a half stars and the S@TM seal of approval. And just why weren't there more girls as cool as Juno when I was in high school?

Beware The Zombie Apocalypse

I've written many times in the past about my affection for the Resident Evil video game franchise. Those of you who have been regular readers over the last few years may have noticed that, I'm sure. Well, I believe I may have found a horror game that's earned an equal position in my nerdy little heart.

I got an Xbox 360 for Christmas, and one of the games that have recently come into my possession is Dead Rising. A charming little game from the fine folks at Capcom, it tells the story of a photographer who, along with several others, is trapped in a shopping mall with a legion of undead zombies for seventy-two hours. Sure, the concept may or may not have been stolen from Dawn of the Dead, but it's loads of fun.

Being able to mow down zombies with anything you can get your hands on is some of the most entertaining gaming I've ever taken part in. The whole mission thing is fun, but just killing the zombies can be so much fun that you can eat up an hour or two just doing that. (I know from experience, trust me.) And the fact that a shop in the mall is named after an oft-quoted line of (really bad) dialogue from the original Resident Evil game is just that much sweeter.

So yeah, I do like Dead Rising very much. I haven't finished it yet, and I don't think I'm even halfway through. But it's going to get a definite thumbs-up from me. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some more gaming to do. The zombie killing never ends here at the MSX.

Oh Vee Dub

Yesterday was a good day.

I say that because myself and a few others were in attendance at the Ohio Valley Wrestling show in Campbellsville last evening. I've made note in the past that I'm an OVW fan, and when I heard they were doing a show in my old stomping grounds, I knew I just had to be there. Besides, I hadn't been to one of their shows since 2004, so I had to go to another one sometime.

Even after attending three WWE house shows and a pay-per-view event, you never really get used to seeing people you've seen on television in person. And that's probably one reason why I was so excited to be at the show last night. It also helped that one of my all-time favorites, Al Snow, was hanging out in the crowd for part of the show. It's too bad I was too chicken to go shake his hand or ask for an autograph or anything like that.

Anyway, I'm getting a bit sidetracked. The show was absolutely fantastic. Some of the most entertaining wrestling I'd ever been seen in person. OVW is supposed to be back in Campbellsville on March 1st, and I'm certainly going to try to be there. I just can't say no to OVW.

More Like "National Landmarks: Book of World History"

I got out of the house this afternoon and headed to the local movie theater, as I am want to do, and I caught National Treasure: Book of Secrets. And to be truthful, outside of a few details, it's pretty much the same movie as the first one. So if you enjoyed the original National Treasure movie, then you'll more than likely enjoy the sequel.

And while I did like Book of Secrets, I don't believe that it brought anything new to the table. Take the original movie, replace "stealing the Declaration of Independence" with "kidnapping the President," then include Nicolas Cage's character's mother, a cameo from Randy Travis, and something of a twist ending, and you've got Book of Secrets. It doesn't help that the plot is overcomplicated, tying together the slimmest of threads in an apparent bid to showcase as many historical locations as possible. It's like they weren't even trying when they wrote the movie.

But regardless, there is some good to be found. The direction is sound, the cast is pretty good, and the movie is still pretty darn fun in spite of its flaws. So I'm going to give National Treasure: Book of Secrets three stars and a thumbs up.

Celebrating Achievement, Scorning Everything Else

Every year since 2004, I've honored what I felt was the best among the movies I'd seen during the previous twelve months. And this year will be no exception, as it's now time for the 2007 edition of what I like to call the "Sutton At The Movies" Achievement Awards. Now remember, these are only for movies that I actually saw. Which means, unfortunately, that I can't give anything to Sweeney Todd or Juno, no matter how much I might like to. And be forewarned, there may or may not be some spoilers amongst these awards. Now that that's out of the way, let's get to it.

• Best Movie: The Simpsons Movie
• Best Actor: Christian Bale, 3:10 To Yuma
• Best Actress: Marcia Gay Harden, The Mist
• Best Supporting Actor: Ben Foster, 3:10 To Yuma and 30 Days of Night
• Best Supporting Actress: Sheri Moon-Zombie, Halloween
• Best Director: James Wan, Death Sentence
• Best Hero: Christian Bale, 3:10 To Yuma
• Best Villain: the evil room, 1408
• Best Antihero: the Predator, Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem
• Best Animated Movie: The Simpsons Movie
• Best Comedy: The Simpsons Movie
• Best Action Movie: Hot Fuzz
• Best Horror Movie: 1408
• Best Superhero Movie: Ghost Rider
• Best Movie Based on a Comic Book: 30 Days of Night
• Best Movie Based on a Video Game: Resident Evil: Extinction
• Best Movie Based on a Novel or Short Story: I Am Legend
• Best Movie Based on a Television Show: The Simpsons Movie
• Best Remake: 3:10 To Yuma
• Worst Remake: Halloween
• Worst Sequel: 28 Weeks Later
• Worst Movie: Hannibal Rising
• Most Bizarre Movie: Bug
• Best Action Scene: the supermarket sequence, Hot Fuzz
• Best Fight: the Predator vs. the "Predalien," Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem
• Most Frequent Use of Numerology: The Number 23
• Best Blast From The Past: TMNT
• Most Blatant Toy Commercial: Transformers
• Most Insane Scene: the Predalien's children literally tear their way out of the womb, Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem
• Biggest Cinematic Acid Trip: Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters
• Most Complicated Plot: Saw IV
• Most Entertaining Concept: Grindhouse
• Best Cameo: Bruce Campbell, Spider-Man 3
• Best Character: Spider-Pig, The Simpsons Movie
• Best Use of a Song in a Movie: "In The Air Tonight" by Phil Collins, in Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters
• The "Shut Up And Do Something" Award: Death Proof, thanks to its over-excessive (and mostly pointless) talking scenes
• Most Vulgar Dialogue: Halloween
• Overkill Award: WWE heavily promoting The Condemned for weeks despite the fact that most theaters had stopped carrying it
• Worst Movie That I Didn't Actually See: Bratz: The Movie. Who thought it was a good idea to make Bratz: The Movie, let alone release it theatrically? A damn fool, that's who.

And that's it for this year's "Sutton At The Movies" Achievement Awards. Congratulations to all our winners, and to the losers, better luck next year.

Welcome To 2008

Happy New Year, everybody! I hope your 2008 will be a great one.

And to ring in the new year here at the MSX, I'd like to get things started off right with a brand new review. This time, I'm digging deep into the realm of cheap '80s slasher movies with the cult classic Madman. Some of you may have heard of it, most of you probably haven't. But now you're going to get to read my review of it. So check it out, if you will.

But again, I hope all of you have a safe and happy new year. And let's hope that 2008 turns out to be great.