Oscar and Razzie Nominees

There's a brand new review for mass consumption at Sutton At The Movies! Huzzah! This time, it's the recent thriller Saw. Check it out.

Speaking of movies, the Oscars and Razzies were this weekend, and if you haven't seen the winners already, here they are. First up, the Oscars.

Best Picture: Million Dollar Baby
Best Actor: Jamie Foxx, Ray
Best Actress: Hilary Swank, Million Dollar Baby
Best Supporting Actor: Morgan Freeman, Million Dollar Baby
Best Supporting Actress: Cate Blanchett, The Aviator
Best Director: Clint Eastwood, Million Dollar Baby
Best Animated Movie: The Incredibles
Best Art Direction: The Aviator
Best Cinematography: The Aviator
Best Costume Design: The Aviator
Best Editing: The Aviator
Best Documentary (Feature Length): Born Into Brothels: Calcutta's Red Light Kids
Best Documentary (Short Subject): Mighty Times: The Children's March
Best Foreign Movie: The Sea Inside (Spain)
Best Makeup: Lemony Snicket's "A Series of Unfortunate Events"
Best Music (Score): Jan A.P. Kaczmarek, Finding Neverland
Best Music (Song): "Al Otro Lado Del Río" by Jorge Drexler, from The Motorcycle Diaries
Best Short Film (Animated): Ryan
Best Short Film (Live Action): Wasp
Best Sound Editing: The Incredibles
Best Sound Mixing: Ray
Best Visual Effects: Spider-Man 2
Best Screenplay (Adapted): Sideways
Best Screenplay (Original): Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

And now the Razzies...

Worst Picture: Catwoman
Worst Actor: George W. Bush, Fahrenheit 9/11
Worst Actress: Halle Berry, Catwoman
Worst Screen Couple: George W. Bush and either Condoleeza Rice or his pet goat, Fahrenheit 9/11
Worst Supporting Actor: Donald Rumsfeld, Fahrenheit 9/11
Worst Supporting Actress: Britney Spears, Fahrenheit 9/11
Worst Director: "Pitof," Catwoman
Worst Remake or Sequel: Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed
Worst Screenplay: Catwoman

Am I the only one that thinks it's stupid that Fahrenheit 9/11 won all these acting awards? It's a documentary! It's like watching a home movie and saying how horrible the acting is. I guess the Razzie folks took it upon themselves to make some kind of a political statement instead of actually judging real movies. And what does Britney Spears have to do with Fahrenheit 9/11 anyway? I haven't seen it, so could someone fill me in?

That's all I've got, Sutton out.

Things, Junk, And Stuff

Hello, I am Torgo. I watch the place while the master is away.

Caught Cursed last night, and it wasn't too bad of a movie. I've seen a lot better, but I've seen a lot worse, Unfortunately, it was so obviously cut down from an R-rating, it was almost distracting. Christina Ricci carries the whole movie on her shoulders, which is good because the whole rest of the cast is just kinda "meh." You can tell the movie's been jerked around for a while now, because Ricci's character works for The Late Late Show while it was still hosted by Craig Kilborn. Sure, it's not really that big a deal, but I'm a stickler for weird things like that. And somehow Scott Baio, Mya, and Shannon Elizabeth end up in the opening credits. They didn't serve any purpose. Mya's only in three scenes, Elizabeth's dead within the first 15 minutes, and Chachi's only in a handful of scenes (and barely has any dialogue at all). They seem like just an excuse to have big names (or washed-up names in Chachi's case) draw in audiences, despite their characters being meaningless fodder. But regardless, three stars for Cursed.

I had a fun surprise in the mail yesterday afternoon. Some stuff I ordered back in October and November from the street team for the Dawn of the Dead remake finally arrived, and it's about flippin' time. I scored a miniature poster, and a neat coffee mug featuring the logo of the fictional mall from the movie. Even if I had to wait three or four months, the stuff was free, so I won't complain. That's one of the few things I actually learned in college. Free stuff = good.

Wednesday night's episode of Smallville made absolutely no sense. Lana and Lex get tortured by the Chinese government, Lana gets possessed by a long dead witch that somehow is related to her Chinese ancestors, and she has a swordfight with Clark straight out of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. These kind of episodes make me pine for the time when every episode had some random "freak of the week" that would try to kill Lana while Clark is all angst-y over being an alien in love with Lana and Chloe plays Nancy Drew. Stupid Smallville.

For those interested, I'm working on a massive update for "Sutton At The Movies." So massive, in fact, that the target date for these reviews is July 4, 2005. I wanted to do a review of Roger Corman's Fantastic Four, but I could barely watch it. It's so awful, I think it gave me cancer. I've watched a lot of bad movies, but this is beyond bad. It's almost insulting how bad it is. But I'm dedicated to both my craft and my readers, so I might just sacrifice the brain cells so you don't have to. Sutton At The Movies: Where The Readers Are #1.

That's all the news that's fit to print. Sutton out.

Manos: Worst Movie Ever

Hit a deer last night. Went into shock. That's really all I can say before I start freaking out again. It was a very, very bad experience that I never want to relive. If you're an animal lover and you hit a deer with your vehicle, just keep on driving. Don't get out of the car and look at it. I did, and you don't want to see what I saw. That messed me up in the head.

Via the wonder that is Netflix, I finally got to see the classic Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode "Manos: The Hands of Fate." Generally considered to be one of the worst movies ever made (which translates into one of the funniest MST3K episodes ever), the DVD I received from Netflix unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately?) didn't have Manos without the MST3K treatment. There's two Manos DVDs out there: one with and without the MST3K version, and one with only the MST3K version. I got the one with just the MST3K version. No big deal, it's not worth worrying about. But even in watching Manos with the joke-cracking silhouettes, it's still painfully obvious how awful the movie is. And the awful quality of the movie just makes the show that much funnier. So here's my mini-review...

Manos: The Hands of Fate = Bad.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 watching Manos: The Hands of Fate = Good.

How's that for a review, huh?

Minor swag update: the DVD of Godzilla, starring Matthew Broderick. It's not the best Godzilla movie out there, but I think it's a fun movie if you look at it as a movie starring a random atomic dinosaur instead of Godzilla. Anyway, I also scored the Ready To Rumble DVD last month, and I still think WWE should run one of those three-tiered cage matches sometime. If it wasn't for the Elimination Chamber (and the fact that Ready To Rumble was a tremendous failure), I could see it happening. They could do a repeat of "War Games 2000" from an episode of Nitro (the one from September 4, 2000). Hang a title belt from the roof of an arena, stick a bunch of guys in the ring, and the first one make it out of the bottom cage with the belt wins. Maybe it could become to Smackdown what the Elimination Chamber has become to Raw. I'm sure the triple cage is collecting dust in some old WCW storage warehouse in Atlanta, and WWE should break it out sometime. They could even break out the "Doomsday Match" setup from the Uncensored '96 pay-per-view event, where they had a bunch of normally-sized cages stacked on top of each other and stuck ten guys in it. The doomsday match sucked, but it was still a neat concept. And I'm still waiting for WWE to book a War Games match...

That Starburst commercial where they parody Lionel Richie's "Hello" music video is... well, how do I put this... disturbing. If I made a model of some girl's head out of chewy fruit-flavored candy and bit its nose off, I'd be thrown into a straightjacket and hauled away by men in white suits.

Nothing else to say, Sutton out.

Being Sick Is Horrible

I hate being sick. I loathe it. Despise it. I've felt so horrible all weekend, and I'm all out of cold medicine, so I'm gonna have to tough it out. Plus I'm sick, and I have a stalker-in-training after me. Life is peachy.

Valentine's Day can bite me. I blame Hallmark for this stupid day, Personally, I prefer "Half-Off Valentine's Day Candy" Day (you know, February 15). That's way better.

There's been some minor cosmetic surgery done at "S@TM". See if you can spot the differences!

I miss the local '80s radio station. See, there was a radio station I listened to all the time, and they played nothing but music from the '80s, But a few months ago, they up and changed the format to classic rock without warning. I have no problem with that, but there's like three zillion classic rock stations in Kentucky, and now zero '80s stations. Bummer. :(

The flu has fried my brain, and this is all I have to say. Sutton out.

Random Musings

Man, I haven't done a "real" post in a while. It feels like forever. Blame it on not having anything to say, I guess. That happens sometimes.

It looks like my last "Sutton At The Movies" update got an enthusiastic reaction from at least one person, which is nice. I like having fans. I'd also like to start doing something other than horror movies for "S@TM," and I figure I'll get around to it eventually. A boy's got to expand his horizons once in a while. I've got my eye on a few movies to review, but I just need to work up the motivation. I'm surprised I actually got those last five reviews done, to be honest. There's some I could stand to redo, too. Some of my early ones are rather anemic, though I consider my very first review (Friday The 13th) to be one of my best. I'm definitely proud of it, for sure.

So WWE has booked a barbed wire cage match between JBL and The Big Show for the No Way Out show in a few weeks. Why put the barbed wire on the cage at all? Since it'll be at the top of the cage, JBL and Big Show will have to be incredibly stupid and/or brave to try and climb out. Methinks the only way it would come into play is if one of them had wire cutters and cut some pieces of the wire off to use. And I'd really rather not see those two guys climb a cage.

I got a chance to visit the local nearest bookstore on Wednesday (and by "nearest," I mean a 45-minute drive). Unfortunately, their comic book rack is rather weak. Maybe six different comics, all released by DC. Three or four Batman comics, a JLA comic (where apparently, the JLA is comprised of robot versions of the superheroes), and a Superman comic. I think I saw Teen Titans and Catwoman comics in there too. And no graphic novels, either. Needless to say, I doubt I'll be going there to satisfy my comic desires. It'd be nice to have some comic book stores around here, but no, I have to live over an hour away from any place that would even come close to selling them. I seriously need a Borders to move in near here. You've got me jealous, Libby. Real jealous.

Netflix is a glorious, glorious thing. I definitely recommend it if you have the disposable income. I got The Grudge via Netflix a few days ago, and I really need to buy it. Sure, I saw a lot of the scares coming (which happens with repeat viewings), but it was still insanely scary. The first big scare, the one with the attic at the very beginning, still makes me jump. Great movie, and I stand by my original review. I'd like go get around to reviewing Ju-On too, and I easily recommend that one to fans of The Grudge and Asian movies in general.

You know where the worst place to have a fire would be? The factory that makes those trick birthday candles. That would suck. "Okay, fellas, it's out. Let's get out of here... aw, crap. Alright, everybody, make another wish and blow harder this time."

I caught Duran Duran performing "Hungry Like The Wolf" on Carson Daly's talk show, and wow. Simon LeBon turned into Meat Loaf now, and it's scary. Meat Loaf LaBon. Think about that one and tell me it doesn't spook you.

IMDB.com has Amy Acker (Fred/Illyria from Angel) listed as a cast member for the upcoming Texas Chainsaw Massacre prequel. I did a little research, and all the support for that I can find are rumors from back in June. I was (and still am) a fan of the Fred/Illyria characters, and if she's in the movie, good. Besides, she's cute and Texan, and a cute Texan in a Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie is okay with yours truly. If she shows up with blue hair and uses god-like powers to knock Leatherface into next week, that'll be just as fine.

I caught Boogeyman on Friday night. With the exception of the repetitive "let's scare the audience by making them go deaf" jump scares (you know the ones), I really liked it. Three and a half stars. I also picked up a free mini-poster for Hide And Seek at the theater too. I haven't seen Hide And Seek, but I dig movie posters. It boosts my current movie poster count to seven: Friday The 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Freddy vs. Jason, Rocky, Army of Darkness, How To Deal, and now Hide And Seek. I think I've got the posters for Blair Witch 2 and American Outlaws floating around here somewhere too.

Am I the only person not interested in the Super Bowl? I'd probably just watch for the commercials and to see if Janet Jackson's other breast would show up. That whole thing was so stupid. "Justin Timberlake ripped off part of Janet's top! We're so outraged! That should never be on TV, so we're going to replay it 5,000,000 times to enforce the point! That's how outraged we are!"

I'm so exhausted, mentally and physically. I'm surprised I haven't ceased to function at this point. It's been really rough lately. Situations with my family are making me crazy, there's some new people in my life that I'd like to avoid and can't ("coming on strong" is an understatement), and my poor little brain just can't wrap itself around all this insanity that's going on. I wish it would just stop. I just want things to go away and leave me alone. I need a break. Sutton out.