And Now To Wait Until Next Season...

This is it, folks. Tonight's the last episode of the first season of Who Wants To Be A Superhero?, along with my last review until season two starts. We're down to the wire, so let's see how things turn out.

As we saw last week, Feedback and Fat Momma are our finalists. We open with them preparing breakfast, when Stan The Man pops up on a monitor and announces that the two remaining heroes would be learning how to fly. They were taken to what Feedback described as a "superhero fantasy camp," where they were introduced to a stunt coordinator that worked on the Spider-Man movies and hooked up to a harness for some wirework. After enjoying that for a little while, they moved into some fight coordination (including a mock fight between them) before jumping off a big swing in front of a green screen. Well, Feedback did some jumps, but Fat Momma chickened out because she was scared of getting hurt. Can't really hold that against her, because I probably would have been the same way. They wrapped up with a little flying in front of the green screen, then headed back to the lair.

At the lair, Stan spoke to Fat Momma and Feedback seperately, asking each of them who their hero was. Feedback answered with Stan Lee himself, as he drew much inspiration from Stan's comics after his dad died. Meanwhile, Fat Momma's hero was her own ailing father. The two interviews were rather short, so we quickly transitioned to the final elimination ceremony. But instead of being held on the rooftop as usual, it was held in front of an audience at the CityWalk at Universal Studios Hollywood.

Both Fat Momma and Feedback were introduced to the audience with mock movie trailers filmed at the superhero fantasy camp earlier in the episode. They were pretty much the two heroes doing some goofy scenes and interacting with stock footage from Sci-Fi Channel productions, with Dark Enforcer making cameos in both of the trailers. And if you ask me, both of them were hilariously lame, but Fat Momma's was way worse.

We went to a commercial break after their introductions, and when we returned, Stan proclaimed it was time to announce who the last superhero to turn in their costume would be. And the final loser was... Fat Momma. That, of course, means Feedback is your winner. Fat Momma gave him a congratulatory speech that sounded like it was written on cue cards, and turned in her costume. Their families and the contestants eliminated previously all came out to congratulate them (even Dark Enforcer, who apparently returned to his old Iron Enforcer gimmick), and even Stan Lee showed up to congratulate Feedback in person. Roll credits.

So the first season has ended, and Feedback is "the next great superhero." It's too bad I'm not around any comic book shops, because I would buy at least the first issue of Feedback's comic. And I'm looking forward to seeing how his movie turns out too. I'll admit that Feedback wasn't my first choice or even my second one, but I'm satisfied with him being the winner. It definitely beats Fat Momma, in any event.

I'm looking forward to season two, should Stan Lee and the Sci-Fi Channel decide to do it. And I'd totally watch it, because I'm having fun doing these little recaps. But until then, true believers, excelsior.

I Have Had It With These Snakes!

I headed out to the theater with my usual partner in crime Moses, and finally got around to seeing two movies I'd been planning on checking out. The fun part of seeing two movies that have been out for a while on a late Monday afternoon means that very few people will be out seeing movies. So what did that mean for us? Moses and I are the only ones in the theater for both movies.

First up was the 4:55 showing of Accepted. The movie, about a crew of misfits that start a fake college after each get rejected by every other school they applied to, wasn't too bad at all. It's not a classic, but it has a lot of laughs while making me wish that my school had been like that. Accepted made me laugh, and Lewis Black is exceptionally great, so I'll give the movie a solid three stars.

We followed that up with the 7:30 showing of Snakes on a Plane. Every good thing you've heard about Snakes is absolutely true. It's typical B-movie fare, but it's just so much fun that even the bad is good. I enjoyed the movie so much that I felt exhausted after watching it, no lie. Quite a few jump scares, entertaining performances, and snakes upon snakes upon snakes on a plane, I couldn't help feeling like I'd been on a rollercoaster ride of a movie. And because it exceeds all the expectations I had for it, Snakes on a Plane gets four stars and the Sutton At The Movies seal of approval. Go see it if you haven't yet.

And that's all for this episode. Out.

No More Ghost Towns For Me, Thanks

Libby's breaking her movie rental moratorium, so I might as well break my writing moratorium while we're at it.

I've got a new entry for the Sutton At The Movie archives, one I've been looking to do for a few months now. And now that the DVD is out, I figure now is as good a time as any to work up my review of Silent Hill. So check it out, won't you?

Victory In Defeat

Once again, it's Thursday night, which means it's time for my Who Wants To Be A Superhero? recap. Last week, Creature was eliminated because of youthful indiscretions along with jaywalking during a challenge, and Lemuria was cut for failing to sit in the lap of a convict (who I discovered a little while ago was an actress) for ten seconds. But that was last week, so let's get into what happens this week.

This week's episode began with Stan calling the three remaining heroes together to inform them that they would be facing "the toughest judges of all." And with that, we transitioned to an elementary school classroom, where the heroes were scheduled to speak to the students. But first, before they began, Stan surprised them by presenting them with their own poster-sized personalized comic book covers. Though if they wanted it to be a big reveal to the viewers, they could have tried a little harder, since a little bit of searching online can turn up each contestant's comic cover.

Anyway, with that out of the way, it was then time for the heroes to give their presentations to the students. Feedback took the stage first, explaining his origin to the class and how it relates to video games. And really, the class looked like he was trying to explain quantum physics to them. He took some questions after his speech, and one asked him what his favorite video game was. His answer: Pong. They interviewed the little girl who asked him that afterwards, and she stated, "I've never heard of Pong before. I think he made that up." And really, I'm not surprised. Pong came out in 1972, and these kids can't be any older than ten. Of course they won't know what Pong is. He could have at least said Super Mario Brothers or Sonic The Hedgehog or something.

Fat Momma was next, and she led the kids in her theme song. Do not ask me to transcribe the lyrics. Because I'm not going to. Anyway, she then presented the kids with the lesson that they shouldn't let kids tease them for being different. Wrapping up was Major Victory, who humorously explained his powers, saluted a doll dressed like Uncle Sam, and after one girl asked why he was concerned with his hair, he said that he had to be aerodynamic. Stan then had all the kids vote for who their favorite of the three was, with Fat Momma winning just barely over Major Victory. I think poor Feedback could count all his votes on one hand and have fingers left over. And thanks to losing the vote, Major Victory and Feedback ended up having to write "I will not pretend to be a superhero" over and over on the chalkboard while being supervised by Dark Enforcer.

They were then sent on their next challenge, which was essentially a timed scavenger hunt at Universal Studios Hollywood's "CityWalk" thoroughfare to see who could find Dark Enforcer the fastest. They first had to find a woman with a tattoo on her ankle. From her, they obtained a bottle of lotion with a clue instructing them to find a 200-pound man with a diamond earring, and rub the lotion on his stomach to find the next clue. From there, they were sent after a woman with short hair and a purse containing $33.50. At the bottom of the purse was another clue, directing them to the globe in the center of the area, where they'd finally find Dark Enforcer.

Major Victory went first, finishing with a time of fifteen minutes, 25 seconds. After him was Feedback, who found Dark Enforcer in fifteen minutes, 40 seconds. He probably would have been 30 seconds faster had he not had trouble picking up a penny that he'd dropped on the ground. And then there's Fat Momma. No official time was said, but it was said that she took right at forty minutes longer than Major Victory and Feedback to finish up. She probably would have got it done quicker, but she decided to stay in character by stopping every so often to grab a snack.

Back at the lair that night, Stan called another elimination. But before they could assemble on the roof, Fat Momma locked herself in a bathroom and refused to leave unless she could speak to one of the show's producers. One of the producers went in to talk to her, and she informed him that she wanted to quit the show if it meant Feedback got to stay, fearing that he was taking the show so seriously that he might have a breakdown if he lost. The producer decided to let her talk about it with Major Victory and Feedback, and when Feedback assured her that he was satisfied making it as far as he did, they agreed to leave the elimination up to Stan.

Up on the roof, Stan called all three up to the chopping block. He praised Fat Momma for her speech to the children, but was disappointed that she took an hour to finish the scavenger hunt. Stan then complimented Major Victory on his entertaining presentation to the kids, but felt that he didn't explain his origin or have a particularly inspiring message like the other two. And in regards to Feedback, Stan noted that his speech went over everyone's heads, but commended his politeness in picking up the penny.

Unfortunately, he had to eliminate someone, and asked Major Victory to turn in his costume, citing his fear that his comedic personality could turn him into a parody of a superhero. Feedback started to step back onto the chopping block to protest, but the Major stopped him, deciding to abide by Stan's decision. As he headed for the exit, Stan called him back. Stan recalled an interview with Major Victory earlier in the episode, stating that his main goal on the show was to make his estranged teenage daughter proud, to which Stan added, "Mission accomplished." He directed Major Victory to a cell phone hidden behind his podium; on the line was his daughter, who informed her father that she thought he was a hero no matter what. The two made small talk before they agreed to speak privately later, and as Major Victory walked away, he cracked one last joke ("Can I keep the phone? This is a nice one.") before heading off. Roll credits.

And then there were two. This episode was a total bummer, because I've been cheering for Major Victory since the show began. But I guess things don't always work out the way you'd like them to. Out of the two remaining, I'm going to have to root for Feedback. I'm starting to warm up to him, and I've never been a fan of Fat Momma. But with one more episode left in the season, we've entered the home stretch. And I'll have all the news about it next week.

Free Concerts Are Great, Blisters Suck

Welcome back to the show. I'd have probably posted this last night, but I didn't get home until somewhere in the neighborhood of 2:00 or 2:15 in the morning, and I headed directly to bed right after that.

Myself, Moses, and some of his co-workers went up to the state fair last night, mainly to check out the free Dwight Yoakam concert at Cardinal Stadium, the football/baseball stadium next to the fairgrounds. The show started at 8:00 (though people had been lining up as early as 3:30), with Exile as the opening act. I'd heard of Exile, though I only know of exactly one of their songs (which is pushing thirty years old, if I have my facts straight). They did put on a fun, entertaining show, wrapping up as the sun set around 9:00.

From there, we segue into an intermission. I should point out that during the intermission, random country music was played over the P.A. system, and at one point, they played Johnny Cash's "I Walk The Line." And believe it or not, that got some of the loudest cheers of the night, no lie.

After the intermission, the headliner took the stage at right around 9:30. I'll admit to not being quite familiar with Yoakam's music either (I only knew three of his songs prior to last night), but it was so much fun that I don't know if I can really put it into words. He played a lot of his own stuff, a little segment of Buck Owens covers, his cover of Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire," then wrapped up with a little bluegrass before leaving the stage and eventually coming back for an encore.

Yoakam's set was great, but unfortunately, the majority of the crowd left halfway through because of how late in the evening it was getting. Some people just can't afford to sit all the way through a concert that ends at 11:45 on a Monday night. Perhaps if Yoakam had gotten up on stage a little bit earlier, more people would have seen the whole show.

The last two days have been a lot of fun, even when you consider I'm weak as a kitten and I have a blister on one of my toes. I hadn't been to the state fair in five or six years, and if it weren't for the traffic and the crowd, I should really do that again next year.

Long Day, Short Post

Okay, folks, this might be a short one because I'm worn out beyond belief. I should probably be asleep, but eh, screw it.

Myself, my usual partner in crime Moses, his mom, aunt, and cousin Amber, her brother's on-again/off-again lady friend Roberta, and Amber's infant daughter headed up to Louisville for the Kentucky State Fair. The place looked like it was a combination of a huge, big-budget flea market and a southern county fair, as one would expect from Kentucky's state fair. The crowd was enormous, too. But still, we had an absolute ball. And I also discovered that vanilla fudge is delicious, and that scratch-off lottery tickets can be addictive if you let yourself get too into them.

I unfortunately didn't get to ride any of the rides on the midway (or at the adjacent Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom), but they didn't open up until 4:00 anyway, and since I'd been there since 10:30 or so, I was so tired that I probably wouldn't have enjoyed any roller coasters. Truth be told, I'm not going to lose any sleep over that.

And that's about it. Out for now.

Major Victory: Creepiest Stripper Ever

I promised it, so I figure now is as good a time as any to do my weekly Who Wants To Be A Superhero? post. If you're gonna complain, you can just go somewhere else.

This week's episode opens up with Stan The Man commissioning the five remaining heroes out to do good deeds around the neighborhood. Major Victory jokingly stops a guy to tell him that the sack he's carrying doesn't match his outfit (recommending that the guy should wear some spandex like him) before helping some little old ladies across the street, Fat Momma stopped a cop from issuing a parking ticket because he was illegally parked himself, Lemuria yelled at a trucker who didn't use his turn signals, Feedback sent some jaywalkers to a crosswalk, and Creature stopped a litterbug and handed out clothes to some homeless people.

Stan congratulated them on their good deeds back at the lair, but then Dark Enforcer shows up on another television screen and informs everyone that he dug up some dirty little secrets about everyone. He then proceeds to roll some interviews with various persons from each hero's life, in which we learn:

• Creature, who's usually environmentally friendly, was once a litterbug. Her best friend told a story of how she once threw some items out a hotel room window into a fountain.
• Feedback is a bit of a neat freak, but was revealed by his wife to be "messy," "inconsiderate," and "a slob." She also suggested he rename himself "Captain Clutter" after showing off his messy home office.
• Fat Momma's mother revealed that she was not always satisfied with her size, stating that Fat Momma has been on a few diets.
• Major Victory apparently has the nickname "Thongman," according to a former co-worker from the stripping business.
• And finally, a friend of Lemuria's claimed that she used to dance on tabletops at bars. Personally, my guess is that she's just a fan of Coyote Ugly. There's nothing wrong with that, is there?

Anyway, it's the mid-point of the episode, which means it's now time for an elimination. Major Victory, Fat Momma, and Creature were all called down to the chopping block. Stan said that he already knew going in that Major Victory is a former stripper, but was bothered by the fact that he was seemingly removing articles of clothing on a regular basis, citing how he removed his cape and covered a puddle while helping the little old ladies across the street.

He also believed that Fat Momma's past diets went against her statements that she was satisfied with her weight, while Creature was up for elimination due to her friend's accusations of littering and the fact that she jaywalked (and thus broke the law) during their good deeds earlier. Creature was unfortunately eliminated, and as she turned in her costume, she dared the four remaining heroes to "live hard, love harder, and be brave."

At lunch later, Stan announced that their next challenge was going to be rough: they would have to interact with convicted felons. The superheroes were given a list of four tasks, each of them choosing one that they would have to covertly perform in order to succeed. These tasks:

• Brush the hair out of an inmate's face three times, which Fat Momma chose.
• Sit in an inmate's lap for exactly ten seconds, which Lemuria chose.
• Rub an inmate's shoulders three times, which Major Victory chose.
• Hug an inmate three times, which Feedback chose.

Each signed a liability waiver, freeing the guards from lawsuits should the heroes be hurt, killed, or put in a hostage situation. The head guard asked if they had any questions, and Major Victory quipped, "They know this isn't a conjugal visit by me, right?" Without missing a beat, the guard came right back with something to the effect of, "I know that, but I don't know if they do."

Lemuria went in first, and met a female inmate named Dot. And to be truthful, Dot looks like a very scary, very butch version of Aileen Wuornos. After pretty much being insulted and called an idiot in a stupid costume, Lemuria tried to hop in the inmate's lap. Big mistake. Dot immediately pushed her away and complained to the guard, who escorted Lemuria away. So that's a big failure. It was then time for Fat Momma to go in, and though Dot still thought the whole thing was a big joke, she still managed to succeed in brushing away her hair three times.

The guys were up next, and they got to interact with a big male convict named Terry. The guy must weigh at least 350 pounds if he weighed an ounce, and he's doing a life sentence for having killed four people. So he's a bad dude. Major Victory went in to speak to Terry first, and sneakily managed to work in his three massages by trying to talk the guy into sitting down and talking to him. He wouldn't sit down, but Major Victory succeeded, so he pretty much took his win and backed off.

Feedback wrapped things up, and convinced the lead guard to remove Terry's handcuffs as a sign of trust. (The guard got in another zinger after uncuffing Terry: "Now you're gonna see an ass-whoopin' on live TV.") Feedback tried to make a connection to Terry, empathizing with him that both of their fathers had suffered tragic deaths (Terry's was killed, Feedback's committed suicide). That opened Terry up, and when Feedback offered to keep in touch with him during his prison term, Feedback managed to work in all three hugs.

From here, we hit the home stretch. Stan was proud of Major Victory and Feedback for accomplishing their tasks the way they did, but had to call both Major Victory and Lemuria up to the chopping block; Lemuria because she barely even got her task started, and Major Victory because he just couldn't keep his costume on, having taken his cape and gloves off because he thought Terry would open up to him easier that way. But because of her failure, Lemuria was asked to turn in her costume.

As the episode wrapped up, Major Victory promised to keep his clothes on unless he has to make a deposit at the First National Porcelain Bank, while Feedback made an emotional speech that he wanted to make Stan proud. Because his father was never around, Feedback looked to Spider-Man comics as a way to escape from the rough time, and that he's tried to live up to Spidey's ideals ever since. Stan said that he didn't know if he was worthy of that distinction, but he was proud to have it. Roll credits.

This week's episode was good. Dark Enforcer's antics while the secrets were being revealed (waving a dollar bill at Major Victory, helping himself to a doughnut after Fat Momma's segment) were great, while Feedback made himself look like a real contender in the second challenge. I don't know if he was putting on a show for Stan The Man in order to stave off elimination, but he really did take one big heroic step forward in the contest.

What I'm really looking forward to is next week's episode. Major Victory, Fat Momma, and Feedback speak to some kids at a school, while there's an elimination that appears to be so dramatic, it even makes Stan cry. There's only three heroes left, so we're entering the home stretch next week. I'll be there, will you?

What's In A Name?

Well, well, well... look who's here. Fancy meeting you in this neck of the woods. You want to hang out for a while, while I do this post? You do? Cool.

Truth be told, I don't really have anything off the top of my head for this post; I just felt like wasting a little time in front of the computer. But I've found that sometimes, the more entertaining posts are the ones where I don't really have any particular direction that I'd like to take things in. But I'd kinda like to take this one somewhere. There's a few topics that could work, but not a lot of them really click right now. But there is one I've been thinking about today.

Myself and Libby were discussing the names of comic book characters and how they would sound as a child's name. Don't ask me how that got started, because I'm not 100% sure either. But we were talking about it, so whatever. Anyway, I mentioned a couple, particularly Gwen Stacy and Mary Jane Watson. Libby liked the idea of "Gwen Stacy Sutton" and "Mary Jane Sutton," and I can't disagree. But just my luck, little M.J. would would take her name to heart, start dating a pothead, and drive her poor father up a wall.

Libby also likes Shayera and Felicia Hardy, and after I thought of it, she liked Selina Kyle too. I like those names too, but like Libby said last night, a little girl named Hardy would probably question the sanity of her parents for giving her a name like that. Though it's no worse than celebrity kids like Audio Science Clayton, Pilot Inspektor Lee, or Apple Martin.

Yeah, it may sound kinda girly to think of baby names and whatnot, but when you have plenty of time on your hands like yours truly, you tend to do any sort of activity to occupy yourself. Besides, you never know when that sort of thing just might come in handy.

And that's all I've got for this go-around. I should be back later with my Who Wants To Be A Superhero? thoughts, so until then, true believers, excelsior.

A History of Blogging

Let's kill a little time on a lazy Monday, shall we? I mean, I'm here, you're here, the blog is here, so why don't we make the most of it and get to know one another a little better.

Even though it isn't until the second day of November, I've been thinking a lot about how far this little corner of the World Wide Web has come along since it was first concieved in a college dorm room five years ago. From its humble beginnings over on Tripod as a ripoff of my neighbor Kenny's blog in 2001, to the one-post-a-month period I've dubbed "The Dead Zone" in 2002, to the birth of Sutton At The Movies and the rise of the Delphi Blog Nation in 2003, to hitting my stride as a movie reviewer in 2004, to finding a little more maturity and talent as a blog caretaker in 2005, and the journey to Blogger this year, the evolution of The Matt Sutton Experience has been fun. Though to be totally honest, I'm surprised I've made it five years on this wild and wacky thing. (And I can't believe Sutton At The Movies has been around for three years, but that's a different story). But it's been an entertaining five years come November, and here's to five more.

You know, it seems like I've done this post before, and I just know I'll end up repeating it again when the big day arrives. But I won't complain if you don't. ;)

Not-So-Witty Headline: "Pulse Flatlines"

Went and saw the 10:00 show of Pulse in Frankfort. It's the latest in the line of remakes of Asian horror movies, and it's one major letdown.

Basically, imagine the washed-out color template of The Ring, the "evil Internet" theme of FearDotCom with a dash of the "ghost communication via electronics" from White Noise, a nonsensical script, and a whole bunch of red electrical tape thrown together. That's what Pulse looked like to me. Really, any progress that The Ring, The Grudge, or Dark Water made in convincing people that PG-13 J-Horror remakes are any good was nearly completely dashed away from the total mess that is Pulse.

And I really hope that Wes Craven's name is only attached to the writing credits for legal reasons, because if I were him, I'd have fought to get an Alan Smithee credit. (Then again, there was the whole "Wes Craven presents" credit in front of They, and what I've seen of that wasn't very impressive at all.) The script shows too much ambition for its own good, as it doesn't have anything really going for it. The ending is stupendously preposterous, the necessary exposition left me incredibly unsatisfied, there's very little suspense or tension, and frankly, the movie just didn't really frighten me at all (outside of one good jump scare).

Pulse fails as both a horror movie and an indictment of society's dependence on technology. It's not scary, it's not suspenseful, and it doesn't take the chance to truly dig deep into the separation that is caused by technology that was designed to connect us to one another. The cast isn't bad, but the horrible screenplay doesn't inject their characters with any sort of personality or reasons to make us the viewer want to see them live or die. We don't know who these characters are, we don't know what makes them tick or recognize any quirky personality traits. They just go through the motions, and likewise, so do the actors portraying them. No-name director Jim Sonzero also doesn't help matters much, as he apparently doesn't quite understand that making the movie look washed out and desaturated of most of its color does not make a tense atmosphere in and of itself.

Really, Pulse doesn't have much going on at all. It's obviously been neutered in order to earn the now-dreaded PG-13 rating. While I'm sure horror movies can still manage to have a few scares while maintaining a PG-13, Pulse is not one of them. It's poorly-executed disposable junk, for which Pulse gets a two out of five on the Sutton Scale. I plan on renting the original Japanese version sometime, and I hope this embarrassing remake is not indicative of its quality.

And to think, I could have put that $6.50 to better use and seen The Descent a second time.

The Key Word In "Secret Identity" Is "Secret"

I don't feel like waiting until next week to do it, and I'm in a posting mood, so why don't we talk about last night's episode of Who Wants To Be A Superhero? while we're here enjoying our time together.

Last week's episode (which I discussed this past Wednesday) saw the elimination and subsequent turn to villainy of Iron Enforcer, now given the new moniker of "The Dark Enforcer." This week's episode began with him making his presence known to the other seven superheroes, which made me chuckle thanks to Ty'veculus exclaiming, "What is this treachery?!" That one line was so over the top that it seemed like he'd been waiting to say it since the show started.

So anyway, now that he's gotten that little piece of business out of the way, it's time for the episode's first challenge. Each of the heroes is given twenty bucks and is sent to a local café one at a time, with the assumption that their choices for lunch would be judged on their superheroic worthiness. After everyone makes their purchases and returns to base, Stan Lee and Dark Enforcer revealed that just because the camera crew wasn't following them into the café doesn't mean they weren't being watched. That's when they informed the heroes of the challenge's true intent: the reason the camera crew didn't accompany them to the cafe was so they would be lulled into a false sense of security, and see if the heroes would reveal their secret identities to the actors playing their friendly waiter or waitress. And on that note, Dark Enforcer rolled footage from hidden cameras that had been set up.

The only superheroes that managed to pass were Feedback and Fat Momma, while everyone else gladly gave their real names after a little prodding. But guess who flunked the challenge worst of all? Monkey Woman. Not only did she give away her real name without even being asked, but she offered her waiter a list of websites on how to break into the acting business. Of course, ol' Stan The Man didn't take too kindly to that. He called Monkey Woman alone to the chopping block for the middle-of-the-episode elimination, and grilled her about those websites. She confessed to being an actress, which surprised Stan because she said she was a real estate investor during her audition for the show. So if you said that Stan cut her, an winner is you and a loser is Monkey Woman. And I had such high hopes for her.

At this point in the discussion, I should point out that according to her MySpace blog, although Mary "Monkey Woman" Votava has had a few acting roles, she really does work as a real estate investor so she can pay the bills. And apparently, Stan wasn't aware of her acting experience. If they do a season two, maybe someone should point Stan in the direction of IMDB. That is, unless the producers wanted some actors in order to put a dramatic spin on certain portions of the show. I mean, with a few exceptions, almost everyone on the show has been in a movie, had a few guest spots on TV shows, or both. Eh, what can you do?

So anyway, back to the show. So we've had our first elimination of the episode, and it's time for the next challenge. They were taken to the roof of their lair, where there's a damsel in distress on the roof next door. Each superhero was supposed to cross a beam bridging the alley between the two rooftops, then bring the woman back across. And to throw a wrench into the gears, Dark Enforcer gets the bright idea to put blindfolds on everybody before hitting the beam. So similar to last week, we get a test of bravery.

But once again, there's a catch. Turns out none of them left their particular roof at all. With the blindfolds in place, each of them actually crossed a beam situated on their own roof. And the damsel in distress they picked up at the end of the beam? The twin sister of the damsel next door. And believe it or not, every single superhero passed the test for a change.

Since everyone succeeded in the challenge, Stan called everyone together to inform them of a new challenge. The new challenge: to show them how difficult his job is, he asked everyone to nominate one of their fellow heroes for elimination. Creature nominated herself right away, stating that she didn't think she was as heroic as the others. Major Victory, Feedback, and Lemuria all did the same, each with reasons similar to Creature's. Ty'veculus nominated Lemuria, thanks to questions he had regarding her emotions and motives. And though she didn't want to name names at first, Fat Momma picked Feedback because of her belief that he's too hard on himself.

Up on the rooftop for the second elimination, there was once again a little more to the challenge than originally believed. Stan revealed that the "pick a teammate" test was to see who among the heroes would essentially take a bullet for the others. Noting that he wasn't going to question anyone's motives regarding picking themselves, he called both Fat Momma and Ty'veculus up to the chopping block. Stan pointed out that although Fat Momma failed the challenge, he believed that she picked Feedback because she was concerned for his well-being, while he also believed that Ty'veculus's motives were not as noble. And thus, Ty'veculus was asked to turn in his costume.

As episode three came to a close, we end with Fat Momma claiming that she thought everyone else was being less than genuine while picking themselves, with Lemuria stating in an interview that Stan will have to try harder to "psych [her] out" and that she plans on staying in the game no matter what.

That was quite an episode. As I said, Monkey Woman getting eliminated for being an actress is a little odd, considering that pretty much everybody on the show is an actor. But I guess that's the way things have to be. The show was taped back in May anyway, so it's not like anybody can fill some sort of grievance or anything. And I'm still cheering for Major Victory, whose comic I would totally buy if I got the opportunity.

Next week's episode looks really good, so let's see what happens then, shall we?

Now I Hate Caves Even More

Me, my dad and sister, and my regular partner in crime all headed to the Danville cineplex tonight for the 7:35 showing of the British horror flick The Descent tonight, and it was an experience.

The story centers around six women as they explore an uncharted cave in the North Carolina mountains. And as they get deeper and deeper into their surroundings, things get a wee bit more hairy as they run into a bunch of hideous bloodthirsty chuds that live in the subterranean depths of the cave. The plot is very, very similar to The Cave, but The Descent does it better.

The outdoor scenes before the spelunkers enter the cave look like the colors have been washed out, seemingly beset upon by a grey/white haze that gives these scenes an eerie dreamlike quality. On the other hand, the scenes in the cave are lit either by flashlights or green and orange chemical sticks, or by the occasional night-vision thanks to the viewfinder of one character's camcorder. The lighting (or lack thereof) not only makes it easier for things to pop out of the darkness, but when used in collaboration with the tight sets, it makes the atmosphere much more terrifying.

The acting is also well done; the roles are very physical, and the actresses (or in certain cases, their stunt doubles) are up to task. Though they are concealed in darkness or harsh lighting most of the time, the makeup effects on the creatures are very good, and other effects (like one cave explorer's fractured leg in the beginning of the movie) are quite effective in their graphicness. (Is "graphicness" a word? If it isn't, it is now.)

Online reviewer James Berardinelli wrote, "The Descent isn't perfect, but it does a lot of things right." I'm inclined to agree with that statement. It's one of the best horror movies I've seen in a while, and further reinforces my opinion that Eurasian horror is on a level beyond that of American horror. And it scared the living daylights out of poor ol' claustrophobic me. For that, The Descent receives a four out of five on the Sutton Scale.

There was only one real negative I had with the whole thing, and that was these 13-year-old teeny bopper dorks that wouldn't shut up. Now I'll admit to talking during a movie, but unless I'm by myself in the theater, I'll whisper to whoever I'm with out of respect for everyone else trying to enjoy the movie. Whispering never distracted anybody before. But no, these morons had to talk and giggle and pretty much be a bunch of annoying little turds. I don't like having to yell, "hey, shut up over there," in a crowded theater, but sometimes it's needed.

Was I ever that annoying when I was that young? I hope not, otherwise I'll have to go back in time and smack my younger self around a little bit.

Somebody Call Noah, Tell Him He's On Deck

I was telling some people last week that we could use a little rain to help out with this uncomfortable heat wave we've been having lately. And guess what happens? A thunderstorm today. It isn't one of those black cloud, hard rain ones, but it still came down like cats and dogs. And it was enough to cause a power surge that knocked our electricity out for a few seconds. The lightning even caused our phone to ring once. I don't know how, but it did.

It's starting to die down now, and I wouldn't be surprised if we got three or four inches of rain. The news meteorologists talk like other places were hit harder than us, and they even showed a light pole in Lexington that had been knocked over. One county even got a tornado warning just a few minutes ago.

But at least the weather here is starting to subside. Hopefully, all this rain will make things cooler around here. These 95-100 degree days are rough, so if the temperature can come down to about 85, I'll be fine. Me and Mother Nature will be cool.

And that's about it for that. Out.

Iron Enforcer: Crappiest Hero Ever

I was watching the second episode of Who Wants To Be A Superhero? the other day, and that's when it hit me. I think the show is supposed to be silly on purpose. It only makes sense. I mean, if the show was serious and didn't have any of its campy humor, then I don't believe it would be as entertaining. Everybody on the show has to know just how silly it is. How could they not?

In the second episode, we started out with an anonymous Q&A, where Stan Lee read unsigned questions written by and intended for the contestants. There were somewhat standard questions (Fat Momma and Major Victory being asked if heroes that are overweight and former male strippers would be good role models for children), to the humorous ("Does Creature ever wash her nasty hair?"), to the downright goofy ("Iron Enforcer stinks, can we get him some deodorant?"). But then there was a question that I liked: "Iron Enforcer looks like he might use steroids. What kind of message does that send to children?" Now if it were me, I'd have answered, "Captain America does steroids. Just because they call it a 'super soldier serum' doesn't mean he's not on the juice."

After the Q&A, it was time for their challenge, this time a test of their bravery. The setup was a little old lady who was locked out of her house, and each hero had to hop over the fence into her backyard and go unlock for the back door for her. But there's always a catch. Once they hop the fence and hit the ground, that's the cue for two trained attack dogs to charge at them. That leaves the heroes with two options: get past the dogs and simply touch the door, or say the safety word ("uncle") to get the dogs off them.

Not a whole lot of heroes made it all the way to the door. Ty'veculus made it in sixteen seconds, Major Victory made it in seventeen seconds with a dog hanging from each arm, and Feedback made it in twenty-five seconds. Though perhaps the most impressive was Monkey Woman, whose final time was nine minutes, twenty-three seconds. While taking almost ten minutes might not sound that impressive, you try running across your backyard with two attack dogs trying to take you out. Monkey Woman's refusal to quit even earned her a personal commendation from Stan.

But let's not forget about the losers. Iron Enforcer actually made it onto the porch, and was no more than a foot away from the door before he quit. Like I said last week, Iron Enforcer just isn't all that great of a superhero. And then there's Cell Phone Girl. Her final time: a paltry four seconds. Here's my interpretation of her run: "Okay, let's hop over this fence. Look, dogs! I quit!" She blamed it on a headache, while mentioning that she didn't care much for dogs after being bitten by one as a kid. But at the elimination ceremony, Stan The Man wasn't having it. For failing to show any bravery and making excuses, she was cut. Or as Stan said, she was out of minutes.

Moving on, the remaining superheroes all received makeovers for their costumes. They were all pretty much professionally-made versions of their original uniforms, but Ty'veculus got an incredibly ugly outfit that looked like it was made out of styrofoam and Play-Doh. And to top it off, he was stuck in a padded Centurion helmet with an enormous feathery mohawk. You could tell by the look on his face that he hated the costume, but he lied right to Stan's face and said he loved it. He ended up going back later and admitted he thought the costume sucked, and despite Stan looking super-angry, he let Ty'veculus revert back to his previous (and in my opinion, cooler) costume.

And closing out the episode was the second elimination ceremony. Up on the chopping block were Ty'veculus, due to lying to Stan about his costume; Feedback, for mocking Ty'veculus's goofy helmet; and Iron Enforcer again, who still wasn't fitting Stan's ideals of what a hero should be. Iron Enforcer finally got the cut, but once he left, Stan stopped him in an alley outside and mentioned that he couldn't tell what about Iron Enforcer bugged him so much, but he finally figured it out: "You make a lousy superhero, but you make a great supervillian." Stan offered him the chance to make things more difficult for the remaining heroes, an offer Iron Enforcer accepted. And now Who Wants To Be A Superhero? now has its own supervillain: The Dark Enforcer.

The show is exhibiting a lot more promise. I mentioned before that I thought it was a really goofy show, but that's what makes it so charming. It's kinda like the old Adam West Batman show, where its campiness is what makes it so good. I'm personally still cheering for Major Victory, but Monkey Woman is starting to grow on me, especially after that big performance in the dog test. But Who Wants To Be A Superhero? is really taking a turn for the better. And as I said last week, I'm definitely watching it more often.

More Excitement, Please

With all the activities going on during this busy weekend, I've barely had any time to relax at all. Usually my weekends are relatively slow and not all that interesting, but the last two or three days have been wild.

I'm so tired I can barely blink, but I could get used to more activity during my weekends. I'm not sure how I'll be able to financially support my little excursions on a regular basis until I can acquire a steady, reliable income, but I have no other qualms with midnight movies and other such adventures.

I don't know if I could handle every weekend being as hectic as this one, since a man needs a little time ro rest. But aside from the aforementioned occasional monetary struggles, I really should get out more often. I find myself stuck in the house a lot of the time, but once I can acquire and maintain my own personal financial security on a regular basis, I'm hoping that will change.

And that concludes this episode of The Matt Sutton Experience. Be sure to tune in same Matt-time, same Matt-channel.

Talla-blog-a Nights

After my very late night, I got out of the house again this afternoon and caught a showing of Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby in Bardstown. The movie is an oddity, in that it manages to be insanely funny despite pretty much every character being a total jerk, borderline retarded, or both.

Will Ferrell is great as always, and is the only member of the cast that I thought was worth talking about. Gary Cole, John C. Reilly, and Michael Clark Duncan are just kinda there, and Sasha Baron Cohen appears to be in the movie only to deliver nearly unintelligible lines in a thick (and unconvincing) French accent while making Ferrell's character look like a homophobe.

But despite all that, the movie did make me laugh. That's really all that can be asked for, right? So I'm gonna give Talladega Nights a thumbs in the middle with three and a half stars, leaning towards four.

Not much else to talk about, so this one's gonna be short. Out.

Living For Midnight

Ah, the wonder that is the midnight movie. Is there anything quite like it?

I got a chance to attend my very first midnight movie tonight at a newly re-opened theater in downtown Frankfort, named The Grand Theatre. I don't know the theater's whole history, but it's apparently been around since the 1940s, but closed sometime in the past. It re-opened this week with a showing of Casablanca and a ceremony to celebrate the lighting of the theater's new marquee, and tonight was the debut of their midnight movie program "The Grand At Midnight."

After first getting word about it from my Anderson County connections Jennifer and Tiff a couple of days ago, myself and my usual partner in crime Moses hooked up with the girls and set a course for The Grand. And the first "Grand At Midnight" movie? Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi's 1993 classic Army of Darkness. I've seen Army of Darkness a million times on DVD and television, but this was the first time I'd had a chance to see it in an actual theater. And thanks to the theater's quite cozy atmosphere and the pumped-up audience, I had an absolute ball.

I'd estimate there were only 25 or 30 people in the crowd, but the the intimacy of the theater combined with their energy made the place seem alive. The audience's laughter, cheering, and applause really made the whole thing that much more fun. An example: For you unlucky souls who haven't seen Army of Darkness, there's a scene near the beginning of the film where Bruce Campbell's character "Ash" is on the losing end of a battle against a deadite down in a pit. It's kinda like the scene from Return of the Jedi where Luke Skywalker fights Jabba the Hutt's pet rancor, only more comedic and with a human-sized demon thing. Anyway, this one particular guy drops Ash's specially-rigged chainsaw (which he wears on the stump where his right hand should be) into the pit. Ash jumps up and catches the chainsaw on his stump, which elicited loud applause and raucous cheers of "Yeah! Get 'em, Ash! Whoo!" from just about everyone in the movie-going audience. That's the first time I've ever seen something like that, and it pretty much summed up the entire experience.

And I think I should talk about the theater itself, too. On the outside, it looks like a regular small town business, with the notable exception of a big bright old-timey theater marquee above the sidewalk. The windows were all plastered with movie posters for the theater's upcoming showings (Army of Darkness, Capote, Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth), giving the front of the theater the appearance of something resembling an independent record store. On the inside, it certainly doesn't look like your typical, run-of-the-mill movie theater. Honestly, it looks like a building in the middle of massive renovations. There's a small lobby; well, really, the lobby is just a room with a couple of tables, a model of the marquee that looked a lot like Doc Brown's model of Hill Valley from the first Back To The Future movie, and some newspaper articles about The Grand from the '40s. But anyway, the lobby is connected to a long, narrow corridor, which leads to the actual theater itself.

The theater room is the most obvious part of the renovation, and I'd be lying if I said the place didn't look both tiny and like it was in the middle of being built. There were maybe twenty rows of chairs (not typical theater chairs, but regular chairs) lined up in front of a small stage and the screen. I didn't get a good look at the whole place, but I believe there's a balcony too, which could be really fun if that's part of the renovation. And if I assume correctly, both the stage and balcony will come in handy if the theater hosts plays or concerts like the theater's website suggests.

The Grand's "under construction" look gave off a particular atmosphere of watching your favorite movie with your basement with a bunch of friends who love the movie as much as you do. As I said above, the theater had a certain charming intimacy that I think many big movie theaters would be hard-pressed to naturally duplicate. I thought going to my first drive-in theater last week was special, but this may have been some of the most fun I've ever had seeing a movie. And it's an experience that I wouldn't trade for the world.

I hope that there's more "Grand At Midnight" shows, because this is something I would want to do regularly. According to the staff member that introduced the movie, if the Army of Darkness shows (they're doing a second one Saturday night) are successful, the "Grand At Midnight" crew is planning on doing a Rocky Horror Picture Show costume party. How cool is that?

And as wired as I am, I should probably head to bed. I have afternoon plans, and I'll need my sleep so I can tend to them. Out for now.

Hammerstein Ballroom Patrons Are Insane

The eighth episode of ECW's new show was last night, and I figured it was the kind of episode that I might want to discuss. So how 'bout a segment-by-segment breakdown, hmm?

The tag match was a lot of fun, and that barbed wire board was quite unexpected. I also think the match went in the right direction with its ending, as it furthered Dreamer's feuds with Test and Heyman, while leaving the Sandman/Knox feud open for another day. And it should be noted that Dreamer really can bleed like a champ.

The Heyman/Sabu segment also continued things well, though I'm still not used to hearing Sabu talk. And is it just me, or was that segment the first time Francine has appeared on the show? I was beginning to think she'd never show up. All they need to do now is get C.W. Anderson to debut on TV, and they'd be set.

Speaking of debuts, C.M. Punk finally wrestled his first televised match as a member of the ECW roster, and I'm glad he finally has. Now everybody gets to see what RoH and OVW fans have been talking about for the longest time. The match was one-sided for the most part, but I think it did a decent job of showing some of Punk's talents to those that haven't seen him. I just wonder how much they'll have to censor Punk when he shows up in a WWE video game. They removed Gregory Helms's Green Lantern tattoo in the games, and I'm sure they'll have to find something to replace the Pepsi and Cobra Command logos on Punk's shoulders.

Next was Kurt Angle making his return against The Brooklyn Brawler. Didn't the Brawler change his name to "the Boston Brawler" when the Red Sox beat the Yankees in the ALCS in 2004? And isn't the Hammerstein Ballroom in Manhattan, not Brooklyn? Oh well. In any regard, the match wasn't much to talk about, only because the match was designed for Angle to slaughter somebody really quickly. Next.

The vampire and tarot card reader segment was what it was, though it did give the vampire a name. And what a name it was. Dracula... Lestat... Angelus... Kevin Thorn?

And closing out the show was Batista vs. The Big Show, which actually wouldn't have been that bad of a match had the audience not crapped all over it. If the crowd really hated it, a better protest would have been getting up and walking out. Chanting "you guys suck! change the channel! where's our refunds?" didn't make them witty. It made them look like a bunch of morons. I guess the whole thing was to set up Sabu running out there and putting Big Show through that table at ringside.

As a whole, the episode may have been one of the best they've done during the entire eight-week run so far. It certainly wasn't an awful episode, even if these anti-ECW dorks like to proclaim it the worst show to ever be broadcast in the history of television. Some people...

Faces For The Rogue's Gallery

After that last post, I got to thinking about who else could play Batman villains. Scarecrow, Ra's al Ghul, and Zsasz have all been taken care of (even if Zsasz only had a brief cameo), and Joker's been cast for the next one, but who else could there be?

Jake Gyllenhaal, Josh Lucas, and Liev Schrieber are all rumored for Two-Face, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman has been rumored for Penguin. But what about Catwoman, Riddler, Mr. Freeze, or Poison Ivy? Or maybe some less-famous villains like Bane, Killer Croc, the Mad Hatter, Deadshot, Clayface, or Clock King? (Keep in mind I mean the cool cartoon Clock King, not the crappy comics one.)

They'd probably go with the A-list comic talent first. The next two Batman movies already have dibs on Joker and Two-Face, and they'd probably go with Catwoman, Penguin, and Riddler next. Phillip Seymour Hoffman might make a good choice for Penguin, while they'd probably go with someone like Angelina Jolie for Catwoman. The Riddler might be a tougher choice, and the actor that plays him will have to depend on how David Goyer and Chris Nolan decide to depict Riddler. If they go with the wacky Frank Gorshin/Jim Carrey "leotard covered in question marks" version of Riddler, I could see Robin Williams in the role. But if they go with the more cerebral "green business suit" version of Riddler, I'd probably go with Robert Englund. He already voices Riddler in the new cartoon, so he'd be a natural fit for the role. And what if they decide to slip Harley Quinn in the new movie somewhere? I'm a big Harley Quinn fan, and I'm a proponant of casting Brittany Murphy as her.

I assume that after the next two Batman movies come out, it'll be some time before they start working on the one after those. Besides, that break will give them plenty of time to do Flash and Green Lantern movies, and perhaps Superman and Wonder Woman sequels if Warner Brothers so desires. So perhaps I shouldn't really worry about casting other villians until the Joker and Two-Face movies are released. But I'll be all over the topic when they announce the villain for Batman 4.

They're Joking, Right?

I just read a news article stating that Heath Ledger, who you may recognize from films like A Knight's Tale and Brokeback Mountain, has officially been cast as The Joker in the next Batman movie (which has the current working title of Batman: Dark Knight).

I'm not sure I'm 100 percent sold on the idea of Heath Ledger as Joker. I'd heard rumors a few months ago that Crispin Glover and Paul Bettany were considered for the role at one point, and both of them would have been really good in the role. Besides, I think Glover is already a little loony, so I'd be willing to guess that he's just a purple suit and green hair away from being Joker.

I'll admit that I'm not all that familiar with Ledger's work. I've only seen A Knight's Tale and The Patriot, and just parts of Brokeback Mountain. He's an Academy Award nominee, yeah, but I'm not sure he'd be a convincing Joker. Jack Nicholson was a decent Joker because he'd made a career from playing characters with some kind of edge. He was a biker in Easy Rider, an asylum inmate in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, and a homicidal hotel caretaker in The Shining. So a lunatic clown wasn't much of a stretch for ol' Jack.

The new movie doesn't start filming until sometime early next year and probably won't be out until 2008, so we've got two years to debate the pros and cons of arguably the great comic book villain ever being portrayed by someone who's greatest claim to fame is playing a gay cowboy in some independent movie. I'll hope for the best, and we'll see how good this decision is in 2008. All they have to do now is cast Liev Schrieber as Harvey Dent, and everything will be fine.