Major Victory: Creepiest Stripper Ever

I promised it, so I figure now is as good a time as any to do my weekly Who Wants To Be A Superhero? post. If you're gonna complain, you can just go somewhere else.

This week's episode opens up with Stan The Man commissioning the five remaining heroes out to do good deeds around the neighborhood. Major Victory jokingly stops a guy to tell him that the sack he's carrying doesn't match his outfit (recommending that the guy should wear some spandex like him) before helping some little old ladies across the street, Fat Momma stopped a cop from issuing a parking ticket because he was illegally parked himself, Lemuria yelled at a trucker who didn't use his turn signals, Feedback sent some jaywalkers to a crosswalk, and Creature stopped a litterbug and handed out clothes to some homeless people.

Stan congratulated them on their good deeds back at the lair, but then Dark Enforcer shows up on another television screen and informs everyone that he dug up some dirty little secrets about everyone. He then proceeds to roll some interviews with various persons from each hero's life, in which we learn:

• Creature, who's usually environmentally friendly, was once a litterbug. Her best friend told a story of how she once threw some items out a hotel room window into a fountain.
• Feedback is a bit of a neat freak, but was revealed by his wife to be "messy," "inconsiderate," and "a slob." She also suggested he rename himself "Captain Clutter" after showing off his messy home office.
• Fat Momma's mother revealed that she was not always satisfied with her size, stating that Fat Momma has been on a few diets.
• Major Victory apparently has the nickname "Thongman," according to a former co-worker from the stripping business.
• And finally, a friend of Lemuria's claimed that she used to dance on tabletops at bars. Personally, my guess is that she's just a fan of Coyote Ugly. There's nothing wrong with that, is there?

Anyway, it's the mid-point of the episode, which means it's now time for an elimination. Major Victory, Fat Momma, and Creature were all called down to the chopping block. Stan said that he already knew going in that Major Victory is a former stripper, but was bothered by the fact that he was seemingly removing articles of clothing on a regular basis, citing how he removed his cape and covered a puddle while helping the little old ladies across the street.

He also believed that Fat Momma's past diets went against her statements that she was satisfied with her weight, while Creature was up for elimination due to her friend's accusations of littering and the fact that she jaywalked (and thus broke the law) during their good deeds earlier. Creature was unfortunately eliminated, and as she turned in her costume, she dared the four remaining heroes to "live hard, love harder, and be brave."

At lunch later, Stan announced that their next challenge was going to be rough: they would have to interact with convicted felons. The superheroes were given a list of four tasks, each of them choosing one that they would have to covertly perform in order to succeed. These tasks:

• Brush the hair out of an inmate's face three times, which Fat Momma chose.
• Sit in an inmate's lap for exactly ten seconds, which Lemuria chose.
• Rub an inmate's shoulders three times, which Major Victory chose.
• Hug an inmate three times, which Feedback chose.

Each signed a liability waiver, freeing the guards from lawsuits should the heroes be hurt, killed, or put in a hostage situation. The head guard asked if they had any questions, and Major Victory quipped, "They know this isn't a conjugal visit by me, right?" Without missing a beat, the guard came right back with something to the effect of, "I know that, but I don't know if they do."

Lemuria went in first, and met a female inmate named Dot. And to be truthful, Dot looks like a very scary, very butch version of Aileen Wuornos. After pretty much being insulted and called an idiot in a stupid costume, Lemuria tried to hop in the inmate's lap. Big mistake. Dot immediately pushed her away and complained to the guard, who escorted Lemuria away. So that's a big failure. It was then time for Fat Momma to go in, and though Dot still thought the whole thing was a big joke, she still managed to succeed in brushing away her hair three times.

The guys were up next, and they got to interact with a big male convict named Terry. The guy must weigh at least 350 pounds if he weighed an ounce, and he's doing a life sentence for having killed four people. So he's a bad dude. Major Victory went in to speak to Terry first, and sneakily managed to work in his three massages by trying to talk the guy into sitting down and talking to him. He wouldn't sit down, but Major Victory succeeded, so he pretty much took his win and backed off.

Feedback wrapped things up, and convinced the lead guard to remove Terry's handcuffs as a sign of trust. (The guard got in another zinger after uncuffing Terry: "Now you're gonna see an ass-whoopin' on live TV.") Feedback tried to make a connection to Terry, empathizing with him that both of their fathers had suffered tragic deaths (Terry's was killed, Feedback's committed suicide). That opened Terry up, and when Feedback offered to keep in touch with him during his prison term, Feedback managed to work in all three hugs.

From here, we hit the home stretch. Stan was proud of Major Victory and Feedback for accomplishing their tasks the way they did, but had to call both Major Victory and Lemuria up to the chopping block; Lemuria because she barely even got her task started, and Major Victory because he just couldn't keep his costume on, having taken his cape and gloves off because he thought Terry would open up to him easier that way. But because of her failure, Lemuria was asked to turn in her costume.

As the episode wrapped up, Major Victory promised to keep his clothes on unless he has to make a deposit at the First National Porcelain Bank, while Feedback made an emotional speech that he wanted to make Stan proud. Because his father was never around, Feedback looked to Spider-Man comics as a way to escape from the rough time, and that he's tried to live up to Spidey's ideals ever since. Stan said that he didn't know if he was worthy of that distinction, but he was proud to have it. Roll credits.

This week's episode was good. Dark Enforcer's antics while the secrets were being revealed (waving a dollar bill at Major Victory, helping himself to a doughnut after Fat Momma's segment) were great, while Feedback made himself look like a real contender in the second challenge. I don't know if he was putting on a show for Stan The Man in order to stave off elimination, but he really did take one big heroic step forward in the contest.

What I'm really looking forward to is next week's episode. Major Victory, Fat Momma, and Feedback speak to some kids at a school, while there's an elimination that appears to be so dramatic, it even makes Stan cry. There's only three heroes left, so we're entering the home stretch next week. I'll be there, will you?