Please, Miss This Call
Unfortunately, not every movie can be as good as Juno. I just got back from another run to the theater, where I caught the new remake of the Japanese thriller One Missed Call. I enjoyed the Japanese version when I saw it a year or two ago, so I went in hoping for the best. And boy, was I way off. I didn't see a movie, I saw a big sweaty turd.
Honestly, I have no idea where to begin with this wretched waste of time and money. The cast - with the exception of the criminally underused Ray Wise - is pretty much awful, with none of them doing anything whatsoever to make me care. Their delivery is really bad, but it doesn't help that they're working with one of the most inept scripts ever translated from paper to film. The thing is just shoddily put together, and it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. And let's not forget the absolutely insane subplot involving the lead character, as played by Shannyn Sossamon, being afraid of peepholes. They build this fear of peepholes up through the whole movie, then give it one of the sorriest explanations ever. And then the final payoff is so ludicrous, you just want to yell profanities at the screen. If I had three wishes, one of them would be the ability to jump into this movie and engage in fisticuffs with everyone involved in its production.
Really, the more I talk about this garbage, the madder I get. And if the studio behind it is reading this, please get in contact with me, because I'd really like to get my seven dollars back if that's possible. You know, I never walk out of movies no matter how bad they are, but One Missed Call actually had me inching towards the door. And that's terrible. With a crappy cast, a crappy script, a crappy director, crappy jump scares, and crappy CGI, I'm going to give this crap one and a half stars. Please, for the love of everything that is good and holy in the universe, do not see the remake of One Missed Call. If any of your friends ask you if you want to go see it, punch them square in the face. Forget the waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay, this is real torture.
Honestly, I have no idea where to begin with this wretched waste of time and money. The cast - with the exception of the criminally underused Ray Wise - is pretty much awful, with none of them doing anything whatsoever to make me care. Their delivery is really bad, but it doesn't help that they're working with one of the most inept scripts ever translated from paper to film. The thing is just shoddily put together, and it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. And let's not forget the absolutely insane subplot involving the lead character, as played by Shannyn Sossamon, being afraid of peepholes. They build this fear of peepholes up through the whole movie, then give it one of the sorriest explanations ever. And then the final payoff is so ludicrous, you just want to yell profanities at the screen. If I had three wishes, one of them would be the ability to jump into this movie and engage in fisticuffs with everyone involved in its production.
Really, the more I talk about this garbage, the madder I get. And if the studio behind it is reading this, please get in contact with me, because I'd really like to get my seven dollars back if that's possible. You know, I never walk out of movies no matter how bad they are, but One Missed Call actually had me inching towards the door. And that's terrible. With a crappy cast, a crappy script, a crappy director, crappy jump scares, and crappy CGI, I'm going to give this crap one and a half stars. Please, for the love of everything that is good and holy in the universe, do not see the remake of One Missed Call. If any of your friends ask you if you want to go see it, punch them square in the face. Forget the waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay, this is real torture.
posted by Matt Sutton at
10:03 PM
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